2 Inches Of Fury

Have you ever found it hard to find porno on the net? I KNOW RIGHT?!? Me TOO!
Luckily for us, the ICANN has approved porn domain names!. Meaning people who run porn websites can now go to town and have unique addresses instead of trying to explain your niche in the market with generic sounding domain names. Eg. penisland.com. Although, I have been told that site actually sells pens. I don’t know what that has to do with penis land.
This also helps those late night cravings you get when you have your lube, a box of tissues and a solid internet connection - the world is your oyster. Instead of having to trowl through shitty sites, you can practically punch in the nastiest shit you can think of (eg. nastybeastialityslutsandshiteatinggayporn.xxx) and just add .xxx at the end. With over 300,000 already pre-registered, it has a pretty good chance of coming up with something.
And here I was thinking as a race we weren’t progressing! Sure showed me.

I wonder what the process was for ICANN to make the decision:

“Ok, so we’re gunna need to see samples of this. I want to SEE these .xxx sites so we know what we’re in for. I’m gunna need a solid year or two to make my decision. OH AND post-approval; everyone on the board needs to have access to 10 of their favourites. Those are our demands.”

North American Hunting Extravaganza
You shoot shit.
Shallow.
An inaccurate shot / Shitty controls. It was frustrating as shit to play because of it.
The graphics are boring.
The scenary looks the same.
No explanation on what any of the different areas mean in multiplayer mode.
Sound is shitty.
Complete lack of fun.

Game Party 2 / More Games Party
Plenty of games.
The ONLY game worth playing was beer pong. Without the beer.
The rest of these mini-games suck.
Controls suck shit out of my arsehole.
The graphics are boring.
The sound is forgettable.
If this is your idea of a party, your friends probably hate you.

Hasbro Family Game Night
Good controls.
Is an ok single player as well as an ok multiplayer game.
It takes classic games and presents them in a different way that ever before.
It takes classic games and presents them in a different way that ever before.
Lost my patience playing this game.
Party mode adds nothing.
Not really that many modes to keep me interested.

NASCAR Kart Racing
Surprisingly good. I was expecting same shitty game that cashes on the NASCAR label.
Good sense of speed.
Tonnes of fun.
Good courses.
Well designed controls.
Reasonable amount of characters and karts to choose from.
Reasonable amount of modes available.
But, let’s not get crazy here. There are a few let downs. It feels too simple to get anymore than an hour or two out of it at any one time unless you have a tonne of patience and have played all the better racing games.
Sound is silly and generic.
Menu design is meh.

Mario Party 8
Rediculous amounts of mini-games. Most of them are pretty fun.
Most of the boards are quite interesting and some even involve a little strategy with moving around the board.
The menu’s are pretty good. I wouldn’t expect anything less for Nintendo, though.
Sounds do an alright job and don’t detract from the fun we’re having.
Some games are less skill, more luck.
This is just like the other Mario Party games.
Lousy single player but, what do you expect? What kind of party is one you have by yourself?
There are parts of the game that are annoying that can be left out. For instance, when you get onto a square that takes you ahead 20 squares and you have a clip of say, a dolphin taking you the 20 steps, this happens EVERYTIME you land on the square instead of having the option to opt this shit out and have a quick game. Especially if you did something wrong and say, set the game for 30 turns making it seem like a game that is going forever.
It’s hard to sit through this game for anymore than 20 turns because everyone starts to lose interest. Even if there are mini games you haven’t played in that particular game before. Still not enough to generate enough interest to sit through them all.

Call me what you want. I think poo is funny. And if you have read my site ever, then this will come at no shock to you. My first novel will be Captain Crunchy Shit and the Shitlets.
According to Wiki there is a Chinese medicine called Radix glycyrrhizae Cum Excremento Hominis Praeparatum which is poop and licorice. HOW FUCKING GROSS IS THAT? I fucking hate licorice.
So thanks to Tim for showing me that Wikipedia is both informative and hilarious with their entry on feces. There is a nugget in Wiki page where it talks about colour. Firstly, it’s colour. Not color you backward Americans. Secondly, I have never had silver shit. And neither should you so if you ARE having a silver shit, it might be a good idea to see the doctor. Oh, and if your shit is blue, you either have something dark and diabolically wrong with you OR you just ate playdoh. Even though it is non-toxic and LOOKS like a McDonalds burger, it is not. I wouldn’t recommend it and the taste wouldn’t be the same, either. For starters, playdoh would be better tasting with less salt.

Click Here for a Breakdown in Types of Shit.

Move over Viagra, here comes…spider venom!
“Scientists believe a spider could lead to a breakthrough in sexual health after finding a single bite can cause a four-hour erection. According to the report, researchers at the Medical College of Georgia believe the venom of the Brazilian wandering spider could lead to a new cure for erectile dysfunction. Dr Kenia Nunes, a physiologist at the college, said it works in a different way to Viagra. ‘This is good because we know that some patients don’t respond to the conventional therapy. This could be an optional treatment for them,’ she said. Her study, published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, involved experiments using hypertensive rats with severe erectile dysfunction.”

WOO! So you get bitten by this spider which I hope they are able to prescribe it in a different manner when I am ancient and unable to get wood under the weight of my own control. Although, by that stage, I am hoping technology will have improved to the stage of matrix style realism. I just put on a helmet demolition man style and fuck Sandra Bullock in ways that Sylvester Stallone never did and I could not. Throw your flames but I’d get a 4 hour erection if Sandra asked for a piece. I’d give her the whole meal.

What this entry neglected to tell you is there are several stages when you get bitten by this spider. A 4 hour erection is the first step. Then you hallucinate for several hours. Then certain limbs start to become numb while you get the worst cotton mouth of your life. Then you lose your hair. Skin becomes pail and fragile. You piss and shit everywhere. Then die. So for 4 hours of rock hard stamina, it’s hardly worth it.

Edit: And here’s another thought: Spiderman. If he got bitten by the wrong spider, he could have a constant erection.
People will stop asking him for help.
“ARGH! Save me Spid..uh…erm. What the fuck is that? Do you have a boner?”
“Constantly.”
“Ya know, nevermind. I don’t really need saving. Please put me down.”

Sometimes I am glad no one comes to visit my site.
I see so many arseholes take a review which, might have been reviewed negatively be someone’s favourite game and make it personal. And then retort with personal attacks, death threats, etc. And I can really do without such bullshit.

Muramasa: The Demon Blade
Some of the best graphics on any Wii game I have ever seen: beautiful art, detailed graphics. This game was REALLY made for the Wii.
Accurate, precise, well-thought out controls that benefit the game.
Good Story.
Interesting characters.
Unique style of play: It’s a platform with RPG elements which are in itself, detailed but not confusing.
Well paced. The learning curve is not so rediculous that I throw the control in a tanty. Starts off seemingly shallow but becomes far deeper when played for longer.
Boss fights are rediculously awesome. One boss (I won’t name names) took me an hour to finish. You are engrossed from start to finish in the fight.
Different fighting styles only adds further ways to play this game.
Great replayability.
And the most important aspect of ANY game: fun. Tonnes of fun.
The passages between fighting can sometimes be long and fighting at times can be samey samey. Still not enough to really deem it any less than 5 stars.

Other comments: They took out a button for jump and just used the up on the nunchuck. Never has this ever really worked for me as well as it did in this game. If they had made the jump a button, I think it would slightly hinder the game’s playability.

Boom Blox Party
You take a weapon and knock down blocks. Or destroy blocks to get gem blocks. Or destroy only red blocks leaving the blue blocks. What is not to like about such concepts?
Controls work well.
A shitload of modes.
It’s like sex: Plays better as a multiplayer but still enjoyable going solo.
A level creator.
A great sequel to a good game.
Fun…in doses.
We lost interest in the game after several hours. The thing is, this was a game we could definately come back to. But can be a bit much in one sitting.
I guess that can be a lack of depth, too.

Mercury Meltdown Revolution
For a game about moving mercury through a puzzle, you can telll the controls have been the focal point.
Addictive in the way that Angry Birds is an addictive game. But ya know…not as good.
Good learning curve even if the tutorial has a shitload of things to show you at first. The game plays out at a nice speed.
Not too easy, not too hard.
Good physics: When you run in to something, it behaves the exact way you think it should.
Strangely satisfying when you beat a level you’re having trouble with.
Graphics look like a budget design.
Deep as a scooner of beer. Which means you come back to it, sure. But, gets tired pretty quickly.
It’s like a heterosexual at a gay orgy: Shitty multiplayer.

Heavenly Guardian
Wow, this is harder than I thought for 2 stars. Has a retro look. I loved the screenshots of this game on IGN. My imagination pegged this game potentially more interesting than actual game.
Controls allow you to go in 8 directions. The design of the game is so poor, you expect more for something with this kind of layout. Even Commando from 1985 had 8 directions and it was more fun. The controls are pretty responsive, though.
You get points the further you go but they don’t mean anything.
Shit multiplayer. Then again, shit single player too.
Your weapon system sucks.
Uninteresting enemies.
The story is shit.
Was released on a previous generation’s console (PS2) and looks the same.
No replayability. Hey, I didn’t enjoy it the first time. I am not gunna come back to this piece of shit.
Unless it is free, it is not good value for money.
Sadly bland, boring shovelware.