2 Inches Of Fury

Something Worth Reading.

Clem7 Can Suck My Slightly Shaven Scrotum

Dearest diary,
On Tuesday it was grand opening of the Clem 7 Tunnel. Hoping to open up the traffic going from north to south of Brisbane bypassing the city. We already have an ICB (inner city bypass) but the traffic on that is out of control largely due to traffic lights which seem to side with opposing traffic.
Ultimately if you are going from the Northern suburbs of the city to the south (or vice versa) during peak, you have 2 options - the M1 and the ICB. The M1 costs money to use - $3 a go over the bridge and then another $2 once you pass Logan Road. ICB is free but in doing so, like anything free there is a hidden price - the time you spend in bumper to bumper traffic and driving a greater distance. Now there is a third option. I guess what makes this less viable than the other two is you get slogged $4 each direction when using the tunnel. Society never ceases to amaze me as there was discussion on ABC radio on how interested and excited people are for this tunnel. People’s lives are so sad and unexciting that they have emotions for a fucking tunnel? You have to be fucking kidding me.
But please, do not misunderstand me. This is not an all out war on the government and their constant idiotic decisions they make (even though they are giving themselves congratulatory reach arounds and rimjobs on this tunnel). Anything to reduce traffic is a good thing and if it shaves 20 minutes on my way home, it gives me more time to do things like go for a run, play guitar or slip in a quickie with the wife.
However there is two things wrong with this plan. It may be too early at this stage to predict (as they are allowing a toll-free period), but traffic is gunna do one of two things:
1. Traffic in the Clem7 will continue to be fucked (it is only this way at the moment because of the toll-free period but we might see a change as soon as the $4 toll is introduced). The night it was opened up until this entry being published, the Clem7 still suffers heavily from piss poor traffic which it was supposed to relief. However, the free ICB might be a longer distance to drive but it is free and takes about the same time (if not quicker).
2. No one will use the Clem7 because $4 a go is far too much for John Smith so we’re all at square one. To force everyone to use the Clem7, they would have to do one of two things:
2a. Reduce the cost or
2b. Forcefully close the ICB or any other free alternative so it is no longer a viable method forcing everyone to use Clem7 like they did down in Sydney.
3. The Clem7 does not go far enough because it goes from the ICB to the south-east freeway. The problem of traffic still exists on the south-east freeway. The second you get to the South-East Freeway, you are met by bumper-to-bumper traffic.

Amoung other things, I blame this on the current economic status. The government were so quick to congratulate themselves for not having Australia fall into an economic depression/collapse. So much so that what they have not considered is that even though we did not go into a depression, the current situation for all those who are working are still struggling because of the cost of living going up and we’re all getting paid the same. I can’t prove it but I also think the economic situation is like the belief system they have over in Europe. There is a particular country (Italy, I believe) that has a monument where sick people come and prey to it every day for better health. Of course all following new stories is how the monument has solved all their healthy problem and they move on. What they don’t report on is the people who die. What they don’t say is how the people who thanked the monument had healthy problems which probably would have gone away with time and that the monument had nothing to do with it. The comparison is that the problem (in this situation being the economic situation of Australia_ was likely to go away whether Government action/praying happened or not. So people either adapt their (mostly non-existing) budget to accomodate for the extra $4-$8/day in tolls or continue to use other free methods like myself as we are too poor.
I also blame society as a whole. You see the government had made a change to current infrastructure surrounding the airport link which added new lanes which gives more flow to traffic. This has had a flow-on effect by having traffic stopping closer to the city instead of directly after the Miles Patting Road. It now stops about 1 or 2KMs down the road where it goes over a slight incline in the road. And when everybody gets to the top of the hill, they all fucking stop. My only reasoning behind this is one of two things: 1. People do not know how to drive a car and 2. People are fucking retarded. You can not even blame this on merging traffic as there is not an onramp for another KM at least. If any of you fucks knew how to merge, we wouldn’t be fluxuating between 0 and 40KM/hour as we slowly crawl pass an onramp. I understand that we have to make allowances for more people on the same stretch of road. However, if everyone was still at a constant 80-100KM/hour (which is the speed limit along the M1), you would not have to stop. As soon as I see this behaviour, I go from friendly and normal to psycho, irrational maniac with rage issues. It has been such an ongoing issue that rage turns into depressing hopelessness.
I had a suggestion to move all heavy vehicles into the left hand lane only and if they were caught in the right hand lane, it would be an immediate fine and suspention of licence. Hey, I don’t fuck around. It wouldn’t be the end all answer but it would certainly help in troubleshooting why everyone comes to a complete fucking hault with merging traffic because you could no longer blame it on heavy vehicles.
If anyone in the government who had control over traffic lived anywhere near where I do, there would be some drastic changes. But all they have to go on is constant complaints from drivers who have no interest living in a tiny house on an even smaller block of land or some tiny apartment paying rediculous amounts of money for the convenience of being near the city. The problem is Brisbane is an ever-growing city with some fucking massive traffic issues and there is a limit on funds and people who can build a structure to support the masses.

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The Drags

Don’t ask but I was at the inlaws the other week at our usual weekly dinner. I walked into the room while all of them were watching RuPaul’s Drag Race and said, “Wait. Is that a dude? That woman looks rather mannish.” I am not one for reality TV shows and this was really no exception.
These drag queens were all carrying meat and two veg, so to speak. They were packing heat in the pant department or wedding tackle. I can’t say for certain but it is a thought we all think: even though these men dress up like women (which could be a result of fucked up childhood, chemical imbalance or maybe both), they might be contain bigger junk than you or I. If they walked up into you in street and asked you out on a date, you could be fooled. I mean, not me. But you could be.
*ah-hem*
I guess this is less of a blog entry and more of a community service - awareness of men who look like women or mannish women (A.O.M.W.L.L.W.O.M.W.)

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Shredding Cops 2 Inches

This is easily some of the funniest shit I have seen in awhile.















And after you have been exhausted by all the laughing, I encourage you to watch Chimpanzee on a Segway:

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News Cops 2 Inches

Ha, just another way to say that I am not done with current news articles.

Deadshit Bitch does Something Stupid
You are not going believe this one. I didn’t have a high extpectation of the human race as it is. This is certainly not helping. I rubbed my eyes and did a double take on this one. She should have died from stupidity. When something like this happens I think, “Ya know, maybe Darwin had it right after all…”

Two Russian Directors Boil To Death
If you thought that woman who almost died from a snake was stupid, this is up there too.

“Hmm, you feel that?”
“Feel what?”
“It’s a tad bit hot in here.”
“Yeah sorry, I farted.”
“No man, I think it is a little too hot for us to be in here.”
“Don’t be stupid. This is a sauna, it’s SUPPOSED TO be hot. Just pour more water over those rocks and we will be cooler in here.”
“You sure about that?”
“FUCK you’re a dunce, OF COURSE I am sure. Just do it. What is the worst that could happen?”

FAIL.

Sex Addict Moves Town After Sleeping with Every Girl In It
Look, we have ALL gone through this problem. I don’t think it should really make news. Plus, I am sure I have seen this on both Sex and the City and Jerry Springer. Why couldn’t he just start again with the first woman he did? If you talked your way into her pants the first time, I am sure you can beg enough of them to give it another go only to break their heart a second time to feed your addiction. I also think going to Sex Addicts anonymous won’t help the problem if you get a group of men and women in a room and tell them not to have fuck anymore. I heard it is a great place to meet women.

Man Arrested Over Billboard Stunt
I thought this was just funny to point out. Plus, think of the repercussions - it could have led to even funnier stories: 12 men caught at the side of the road profusely masturbating. And then having one of the 12 men trying to explain himself: [Translated]

“I was driving down the highway and there was this spicey number up on a billboard. I couldn’t control myself and just started going for it. I thought I would pull over so I don’t hit another car with the driver doing the same. The police knocked on my window just as I was blowing everywhere. I didn’t have any tissues and it scared me so much, I think I have hurt myself.”

K-Rudd Says No to Bullies
You could have interpreted it two ways. Either our main man, the K-ster is enforcing a policy to reduce bullies OR Kevin Rudd is BEING bullied and he is telling the bad men to go away. Yeah, you tell em, Ruddy. But I think we NEED some bullies. It hardens you the fuck up. We’ve become a society of panzies and it is only gunna get worse. I want to read stories of American children who bullied the wrong kid then the kid brings to school a gun to get some revenge and everyone is surprised why it happened. Or the polar opposite of that is you have some person who has been forced to be nice but deep down inside he is ticking timebomb and then one day he fucking loses it and again, we’re all surprised why it happened. No one likes being bullied but let’s face it, it would be a fucked up surprise if we found someone who does. Then again, no one likes taking out the garbage. Yet, we all have to go through with it.

Tiger’s Wife Moves Back In
Tiger is getting one more chance. Over the 17 whores Tiger did, his wife is giving him one more chance. Good on her. If it were me, I would have taken a razor and cut his penis right off and then taken all of his money in the divorce leaving with him with literally a shell of a man. Whether she lives with Tiger or not is not really the point as she is still gunna be fucking rich as fuck.

The City of Google
Get this: there is a city in Kansas (US) who are temporarily renaming their city to Google. If it wasn’t bad enough that we have Google Chrome, google.com, the gPhone (see previous post), Google Docs and Public DNS (they should call it, gDNS to be funny) they now need to a town as their own. Now we only have to wait until gChina and gUSA are renamed and the rest will follow suit. It will be a totalitarian state controlled by Google and if anyone feels sad, they have a pill for that.

Australian Scientist Rachael Dunlop Wins Twitter Award
She won the award First Person to Say Something Interesting/Intelligent on Twitter. Ha, only kidding. No one on Twitter really has anything daring and new to write about.

Elton John Reckons Jesus Was Super Smart Gay
I am sure the Religious conservative types would have really appreciated this statement, Elton.

Couldn’t he have just been super smart without the need for being Gay? But maybe he is right though. Look at the sort of clothing Jesus wore - that looks to me like the clothing of a fashion-savvy man with a tendency for sodomy. Maybe that is why according to Christians and Catholics, Jesus hated gays is because Jesus hated who he was. This is all on the premise that God actually existed. If he really did exist, Elton would have on to make more albums like, “Tumbleweed Connection” and less shit.

Woman Sues After Getting Four Breasts
Being a man, I can speak for all men when I say: 4 breasts means twice the fun and this woman should not be suing. She should be thanking the surgeon who did the work. She went in to get them bigger and the surgeon had a stroke of genius. Then once he was done having a vinegar stroke, he made 2 more boobs. Sure she is a freak, but a sexy freak. “Loss of self-esteem…” Really? If anything, all the attention she would have received from bigger boobs would have exactly the same with 4 boobs. The only way this could have been even better is if this chick had surgery not only got 4 boobs but ALSO got them bigger. Now you need is a man who has 4 arms and it is twice the pleasure.

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Sweet Dreams

“…are made of thus.” - Tum and Phul Morning Show.
David Lynch is facinated with them.
I have been having strange dreams for as long as I can remember. So I thought I would share them so we can discuss them and talk about how I am full mental.
My dreams seem to have 3 common aspects to them:
* Seemingly random vignettes
* Faces are blurry (except for a few that I can make out)
* Everything about the dream is usually unfocused. Eg. I can’t work out colours or backgrounds
* I believe everything that happens and not for a minute do I ever question the validity no matter how extreme the circumstance.

This first dream happened two nights where it starts at the registers in Big W (they’re like Walmart if you’re American). I wasn’t working on them but was standing in the shop looking at them. No one is moving but I can hear ambient sound and I can move anywhere. It is like a 360° photo but it looks more like a painting than a photo. I don’t know if I am with anyone but we are not heading towards the registers. In fact, nothing is really happening until I start to walk to the back of Big W where people start moving again. Instead of a back wall which is what Big W usually has it was all open end. There were people walking in and out of Big W though this seemingly purposeful entrance and there were no security beepers or registers at this end. No one was stealing everything but as soon as they walk through their exit, they disappear. I walk through the exit and at my feet I notice a polished hard wood floor in a perfect square the second the Big W floor ends. There were no shops surrounding or on the polished hard wood floor - just darkness. This wooden floor was about 1KM long. I took several steps out on the wooden floor and then by surprise…BLAMMO! A car driven by my cousin Peter hit me from the left hand side. Instead of hitting me so hard it forms me into a paraplegic, kind of holds me to the front of his car and pushes me for what felt like a good 3 or 4 seconds into this tiny room where my cousin Michael is sitting. Both Peter and Michael did not say anything to me and nor have any menacing look, either. It was like being an RPG game and being a character you walk up to but do not really have any interaction with. Michael and Peter are unidentical twins in real life just like in the dream. This room that I have been pushed into is not the only tiny room but there looks like there are 5 or 6 tiny rooms and every room has a piano in it. The rooms are interconnected with each other by a small hall. The rooms can only fit one person and one piano in it and two of the rooms have a glass panel so I can look out to the wooden floor where I can see Peter with the drivers side door open with one foot still in the car standing up. And Michael just sat there still not saying anything. I look down and I can play piano quite well which is different to the piano retard I am in real life. After I discovered I could play piano, I woke up.

It kinda reminded me of this:

My second dream last night was much more brief. It was like the ring road we have near my parent’s place at Forestdale (Abby and Archery Street) had been turned into an old mansion that had a lot of stairs and a young girl followed me around. There was one room in this house which had bands playing and if you walk out of the room, there is a hall and a set of stairs running adjacent to the lower level. The only thing that stood out was walking out of the room, down the stairs and at the bottom of the stairs, it looked exactly where Abby and Archery meet at the other end. Then I woke up. For those that have no idea what either street is, then this dream probably means a whole lot of shit all.

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LHT / SpinnerDisc

SpinnerDisc
Left Handed Toons
Not everything can be funny.
I found Lefthandedtoons to be rather hit and miss.
But check it out anyway.

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Space

*NERD ALERT*
For those who are sensitive to the way of the nerd, please divert your eyes. Boggs? This means you. To protect you from unstoppable nerd rage.
How To Make a Cheap 67 Terrabytes
I found this link ages ago and when I was going through my email, I noticed that I had not posted it here. I am a man with an interest in making budget space (see previous entries about the home-built NAS I made) and this is the extreme. I believe we’ll be looking back on this and going, “WOAH! They spent all that money and all that wasted physical space for just a Petabyte. Man, I just bought this 3.5inch 5PB drive for $80.” I am sure if I had the money, this would be my first investment. I am sure even if you filled it with Blueray rips, you would still have a hard time trying to fill it. Plus the word “cheap” was used loosely - it still costs $117,000USD to purchase 1 Petabyte. It is well designed for good air flow with minimal amounts of physical space but imagine how heavy one of those bastards would be to lift/carry?
Sweet Jesus.

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Abstinence

Believe it or not, they are teaching abstinence at schools in America. And according to the youtube video (below) by Bill Maher, they pour billions of dollars into this campaign which seems pointless to me. It’s like telling people to ignore your urges. I mean, I don’t know how you can say, “C’mon kids, no more sex.” or “Kids, sex feels great. But don’t have it.” so many ways that it costs so much to make such a campaign.


Back in high school when we did sex ed, we sat through a slide show of STIs (formerly known as STDs) and that was enough to put you off sex for a whole 4 hours. They have pills and creams for most of the shit you contract these days. Regardless on how many people you preach abstinence and how frequently you preach, you are still going find morons who fall pregnant about 2 hours after the speech.

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