2 Inches Of Fury

Something Worth Reading.

Day Off

I had a day off. It happens so infrequently that I thought it should really get its own entry because it probably won’t happen again for a long time. I took the day off to clean as we have an inspection. So it wasn’t really a day off. Sorry for the long and tedious intro but I found this:
David Reimer
The name rings no bells but man, what a fucked story.
On the Fuckedometer, it’s easily an 8.
It’s not scary but if you were in his position, well…it’s hard to imagine.
The guy suffered from Phimosis which is the most fuckedest thing I think I have seen in a while.

Anyway, I was reading a few strange things. Mostly from cracked.com if you’ve never read it:
http://www.cracked.c … ody-can-explain.html

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Review: Gazoonga Attack - Your Girlfriend Is Shit EP

Really reminds me of the Lunachicks for some reason. They have this trashy feel to them but don’t get me wrong - this is not a negative. Especially in the world of punk. I seem to have the same problem with Blowhard’s EP as I do with this EP. The first three songs are fucking great but the last half is filler. I really do love the first song. I give this EP 2 stars after hearing this song and then an additional one star for the rest of it. The second song (”Boarderline”) does remind me a fair bit of the first song without it somehow it being as good but is still a good song on its own. “Dirty Sheets” is ok but the only part of it I really do like is the chorus. When the chorus is over, I am hanging out for the song to get back to the chorus.
The last 3 songs are all either mediocre or not as great as the first half and really suffer because of it. I would have preferred another 3 songs which were blatant rip offs of the first song (which track 2 seems to be, anyway). If this is their first EP, I’d hope to hell they have stronger material than this later down the line but having said that, it is a great introduction to the band that shows the band has the potential to go places or suffer where it lies depending on which half of the EP they decide to go with.

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Movie Snapshot

THX 1138 - 75%
George Lucas’ first attempt at film and certainly a great subject. Anything that explores a totalitarian society is good by me unless you are incompetant at making a film which will have the obvious repercussions and be put into the shit pile.

The Silence of the Lambs - 85%
Would have got a better score with Jody Foster did a better accent. Anthony Hopkins does an amazing Hannibal Lecter. Creepy yet enticing and not scare-the-shit-out-of-you-with-cheap-”boo!”-methods.

Roger & Me - 74%
Flint, Michegan - the home of Michael Moore. Wrecked by the closing of the GM factory which was funding just about everyone in it. It doesn’t matter if you agree with any of his politics, he certainly portrays a strong message regardless and you can’t help but feel for those he decides to focus on. With Michael Moore, you have to take nearly everything he does with a grain of salt as it has been proven he will do just about anything to prove a point regardless on its factuality. It does help that I do agree with his side of the story.

Bolt - 80%
HOLY SHIT! How fucking cute is that hampster? Most of my scores goes to the hampster. If you have no idea what I am on about, watch the movie. Or re-watch the movie if you’ve already seen it. It is a pretty straight forward story but the characters are so lovable, you’d have to be a complete dick not to love them. The premise is simple: A dog who thinks he has super powers gets out of his environment and shit just happens to fall his way until he gets in too deep. Stuff happens and then…BLAMMO! Happy ending.

Tenacious D: The Pick of Destiny - 76%
I love Jack Black and his energy. It has regular stoner jokes but man, it a cameo with Tim Robbins in it! Call it a guilty pleasure but if you were looking for a movie of challenging intellect, look elsewhere. If you like Jack Black, then you will know what to expect and this lives up to that expectation. It is better than just about most Jack Black films he ends up in and I love the D’s music.

Reno 911 - 47%
Hilarious first 30 minutes of the movie which is roughly the duration of a TV episode. It would explain why I do like the TV show so much. Unfortunately it does not keep the jokes up and the story is not really interesting enough to warrant a reasonable score. Had they kept up the comedic greatness of the first 30 minutes of the movie, we’d have a winner on our hands. Unfortunately, we do not. The movie stays true to the characters which is both a great thing and also a limitation. If you plan on watching this, watch a season of the show first. It might explain the mindset a bit better.

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Hot Nudes. Wait, No…Typo. Hot News. Not as Fun.

Gamers Play With Girls
Man, this story was too fucking good to leave well enough alone. You can just imagine that the human race will make themselves extinct by being too distracted to procreate. Maybe this is the new contraception - fuck the pill and you won’t need condoms because children will be too busy playing video games with each other.
But they are getting women-starved men to shell out money to play video games with women. You can imagine how the wedding video is gunna go:

“So there I was alone in my room and I shelled out $20 to play some Tekken Tag Tournament with a woman. Little did I know it would blossom into this. We got talking and it turns out she liked Tekken as well! What are the odds? I mean, she doesn’t play video games anymore. But as you can see, our wedding is Tekken-themed. I am Jin and my wife is dressed like Nina. Purrererer. My outfit comes with a built in scientific calculator and my asthma puffer.”

But I can only think that there is three sorts of women that would even bother entering a venture like this. Viciously ugly ones, women in it for the money and the woman from that scene of Family Guy where a man and a woman are having dinner and the woman says pre-emptively in desperation, “Me and one egg are having a great time. HEH HEH.”
But I shouldn’t be so harsh because it is another way for men and women to meet. Not bars, the gym, clubs, sporting venues, workplace, MSN chatrooms or any one of a hundred different dating websites. I would have thought you’re not trying particularly hard to meet a woman. Especially if you have to shell out for it like some sort of escort service for your whores. On the upside, you are now skilled enough you can wank and talk to her on your headset without her knowing what you are doing.

Her: Brad? Hello? What are you doing?
You: Sorry, just getting a moist towellette. I thought you won. But it seems we both did.

Top 10 New Places to Meet Women!
Let’s break these 10 places down into a thing called REALITY.
Unless you’re a giant fruit who likes getting into situations that have women automatically assume you’re a giant homo or you are a drunk, I would automatically disregard the first 5 ideas (10-5 - except meet.com which could work as long as neither of you lie about how you look). The people I work with (and there’s plenty of them) have about as much culture as Culture Club did back in the 80s. So the chance of meeting many men in places like these is few.
Doing community service? Really? I am sure you will find some gems in the rough there.

You: What are you in here for?
Her: Stabbing a guy 12 times in the back with a flathead screw driver.
You: Oh. I see. So…got a sister?

I know they mean volunteer work which is possible to meet people, definately. But in this day and age, who can be fucked? If people are not going to extend themselves at work, what chance of that happening outside of work?
Organised trips? This would suggest that you know guys who know women who can hook a brudda up. And what happens if all your friends know the same amount of voluptuous women you do (none)? This is commonly known as a sausage fest.
Social media websites seems to be the only viable option. But isn’t that the same as option 7?

Most Watched Woman in Australia on Youtube
I’ve never seen this video before in my life. I don’t see the attraction. It’s ok but I’ve seen funnier. How does that translate to 224 million views? People are fucking retarded. I sometimes wish this site gained more attention so I could tell them how retarded they all are and start the biggest flame war in Internet history. At the same time, I am jealous that some woman in Sydney is living it up being a youtube celebrity and earning my weekly wage in a day from ads in youtube. Maybe there is something to this web thing after all.

Australia is no longer the cheapest place for iPods
This news story had I’m a giant knob with nothing to write about written all over it. With the invention of the Interwebs, they can order their iPod from overseas and it would be still cheaper to ship it back to the US? I highly doubt that this would somehow be cheaper. Plus, what about areas like China or Hong Kong where everything is cheap?

Moron Quits Politics
Not quits, retires. This guy clearly had such little on his plate he decided to aim his fire at certainly violent video games and ban them from entering into the country. It shits me RIGHT OFF when some fucker in Government believes it is up to him to dictate what we can and what we can’t do. In the same breath, people are so fucking retarded that instead of taking responsibility, they would blame the Government for not taking action instead of being a responsible fucking parent. Let’s be honest, how much can there really be done as a South Australian Attorney-General? Snowtown happened years ago, fucker. Move on.

“No other Labor MP in South Australia or the Liberal shadow attorney-general agreed with Mr Atkinson’s stance,” said Rob Jenkins

This is because not only does no one give a shit but you’re fucking out line and just plain wrong.

Jamie Oliver in Tears
There was a part of me inside that enjoyed this story far too much. He is a man with a can-do attitude (which is great and not the attribute that makes me dislikes him) but what I enjoy about this story is that the people who needed the help didn’t want to change their ways. It is a lose/lose situation for both parties. Oliver gets told where to go when he gets all preachy on how to be a health nut and serves him right. He had their best interest at heart which is a good thing but maybe walking in and thinking you own the fucking place by telling people how to live their lives might be slightly intrusive.
Jamie, don’t think you can save the world. Some people can’t be saved due to their own stupidity and the only reason you were able to help so many before is they acknowledged they needed it. These people don’t see anything wrong with eating fucking pizza for breakfast and being obese. Yes, it is close minded to believe that you were gunna feed them nothing but rabbit food but people do not like change. I should know, I’m one of them. Plus, I hate being told what to do like an authoritive figure. It was a two-way street of ignorance. Jamie believed he could walk in and tell these people how to live healthy (with the best intensions of course) and the other side of the fence believed this fucker walked in telling them all to go make drastic changes to their life like some law. And then poor Jamie gets a shock when they don’t want to conform to his way of thinking.
Maybe there is a perfectly good reason why it is the most obese place on the planet?

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Time Wasted

I found this site www.stumbleupon.com years ago and never really paid much attention to it since I had better things to do. Like a man seeking affection and a $10 hooker I went back and spent all of an hour or two on it seeing if there is anything out there in the world that I have missed or yet to stumble upon.
Sadly, these are the best of the best (from the millions of links I trawled through):

12 Facts About Star Wars You Probably Don’t Know
Regardless on knowing or not, my care factor was fucking so low it wasn’t even going to make the cut here. It’s just to show you the quality of shit I “stumbleupon”. So far, piss poor start.

A little online game which is alright.

Simple time waster game.

I suck at this game but film buffs, you can’t really go past it to test out your knowledge.

A Bachelor of the Fine Arts


http://www.slightlyw … ercoasterfunnies.htm

Exciting Links for Boring Days in No Particular Order
Exciting? No. Interesting? Yes. And I will blog about them assuming you don’t beat me to this link first.

http://weirdthingsha … lltime.blogspot.com/
I like weird things. I’m a weird person. This would one of a very select few blogs I’d bother reading if it were still updated.

Nice way to start your homepage - by offering so many links, it confuses the user into submission. Brilliant. Although if you want to waste a rediculous amount of time at work, it works well.

50 Londoners, 1 Question
I would say this is thought provoking but it just goes to show that, generally speaking, people’s imagination sucks. That is to put it technically. Nice accompanying song to the video, though.

25 Motivational Posters
I’m a man who loves his motivational posters. We all get 100s in the email. Why not link you to another 25 you’ve probably already seen? Even if you haven’t seen one of them, I just made it all worth while.

Handsome Men’s Club
Proof that in order for Jimmy Kimmel to be funny, he requires other more talented people to help him do comedy. I should get my own show in America ’cause if the unfunny Jimmy Kimmel can do it, anyone can.

Website devoted to IRC chat. Sometimes the nerd factor is too high for my enjoyment. But sometimes, they get the right balance.

<riffic> its the year 3030
<Mindless> 3030? Shit I’m late for work

Some Trivia
I can’t say for sure whether any of this is true but I can confirm that

The study of stupidity is called ‘monology’.

is incorrect. According to the free dictionary, Monology is:
1. The habit of soliloquizing, or of monopolizing conversation. 2. the art of performing monologues.
If it were true, I would be interested in the study of stupidity I guess but you also take the risk of becoming more stupid yourself.

50 Most Interesting Articles on Wikipedia
I don’t know if it is entirely true as even going through all of Wiki to be 100% absolutely positive that you’ve found all 50 most interesting would be impossible. I spent hours on Wiki one day…HOURS and noticed that I went through only 4 or 5 really long entries. You time that by the amount of pages Wiki has (if you look at their home page on Wiki, not even Wiki knows how many pages in English it has) and that is a number I can’t even calculate. If we take 3 228 000 pages, and on average it would take 1 minute to read an entire article, it would still take you 53 800 hours (2241.67 days / 6.14 years). And by the time you read all those articles, you would then have to deduct more time to narrow it down to just 50. However, even if you find just 1 interesting link means, that is 1 more thing you didn’t know about the world.

Real Life Kwik-E-Mart
I love Jasper Beardly in the window. I love that it offers nothing but sugary foods and bread (which could also be possibly full of sugar). But while looking through the photos and seeing the fat bastards line up, I see a MickeyD’s in the background of one of the photos and it reminded me of this very funny quote from the Simpsons (which is a reference to Pulp Fiction):

Lou: I went to the McDonald’s over in Shelbyville the other day.
Chief Wiggum: The Mc-what?
Lou: Yeah, I never heard of it either but they say they have over 2,000 locations in this state alone.
Eddie: Hmm… Must’ve sprung up over night.
Lou: But you know, it’s the little differences.
Chief Wiggum: Example.
Lou: Well, at a McDonald’s you can get a Krusty Burger with cheese. But they don’t call it a Krusty Burger with cheese.
Chief Wiggum: Get out. What do they call it?
Lou: A “Quarter Pounder” with cheese.
Chief Wiggum: “Quarter Pounder” with cheese? Well, I can see the cheese but? do they have Krusty’s “Partially Gelatinated, Non-Dairy, Gum-Based Beverages”?
Lou: Yeah, they call them “shakes.”
Eddie: Huh. “Shakes.” You don’t know what you’re gettin’.

http://www.switched. … vive-the-apocalypse/
This is actually one of the very few interesting links that came out of the amount I waved through. While it is interesting, there is one flaw to this article. Do I buy these now in preparation of the apolocalypse or will I buy them when I know for sure the apocalypse is coming? Because if I was like everyone else does at Christmas time, I would leave everything to the last fucking minute. The apocalypse would be here and I would, “Ok, time to buy some gear. I have bookmarked this link. Now, just waiting for the page to loa…oh. Internet is not working. OH THAT’S RIGHT…the apocalypse is here. Well, I guess I am fucked.

USB Porn Detector
Apart from possibly being buggy in finding such filth on one’s computer, I want something that doubles and triples my current stash of porn for when the missus is out of action. I know you’re laughing at me instead of with me on this one but, c’mon guys we ALL do it.

http://www.salon.com … 2/trololo_man_speaks
If you live under a rock of Utah, you probably are not aware of the Trolololol guy. Biggest viral sensation. Have him on repeat for 20 minutes. Thank me later.

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Movie Snapshot

Waiting for Guffman - 77%
RT claimed this was Christopher Guests’ best work to date. It was clear from the get go that St Clair (Guest) was gay and there were subtle gay jokes amoung other things but man, this is no A Mighty Wind. Better than For Your Consideration but this movie is about a failed New York stage producer/director who moved for Maine, Massouri several years ago to be a drama teacher at a high school. He then has been asked by the Mayor of the town to host the play about Maine for the150th year anniversary show day. He uses all the same characters we have seen in every other Christopher Guest film. I found comedy was good and the characters were also good but perhaps not great like they were in A Might Wind. With any film, you get a vibe and I got a better vibe from A Mighty Wind than I did with this film. If you are going to see ANY Christopher Guest film, watch Spinal Tap (which was actually a Rob Reiner film) then watch A Mighty Wind as you might find similarities but it is almost like a sequel with a different theme to the same template used many years before with equal amounts of success. I found the success is actually with the three leads - Harry Shearer, Michael McKean and Christopher Guest which appear in both films but do not appear in this one.

The Eyes for Tammy Faye - 78%
About a simple country woman who connected with people and fell in love with (and married) a man (Jim Bakker) who created their own TV network called the PTL (Praise the Lord) Network. This is no satire. They built a religious empire and reached out to a lot of people but as you could probably predict shit got out of hand. Jim was done for embezzlement and Tammy was addicted to Ativan. The only thing stopping this documentary from getting a higher score would be the pacing which starts off real well and covers a lot of what goes on but towards the end it peeters out. And they almost brush over all the controversy (one-sidedly) that would make this even more interesting) and then spent too much time worrying about her life later on when it was less interesting.

LA Confidential - 90%
Really good film about police corruption and cops orchestrating the criminal behaviour within California in a throwback to 50s-style. It takes time to explain the characters and the story so the story naturally plays itself out. 3 main cops - one cop (Crowe) who had a father who used to beat his mother and is now trying to get revenge on ANY man who mistreats women, one cop (Spacey) who sets up famous people in order to make himself more famous by giving stories to the local magazine writer (DeVito) for the pay throwbacks and the final cop (Pierce) who is only new who is devoted to doing better than his father and seeks the truth for what really happened. It all extends from a two murders that have more than meets the eye and the more each cop reviews and researches, the more that is uncovered. The thrill portion is high, the story keeps you on your toes and everything is in its right place.

Zack And Miri Make A Porno - 61%
Being a Kevin Smith, I have a certain level of expectation and this should have had more stronger jokes. A guy and his housemate who have been friends for as long as they can remember make a porno to make ends meet and hire some locals to assist with it. It is convenient that the housemate happens to be Elizabeth Banks. How they should have done this is Zack and Miri Make a Porno and take out Liz Banks and replace her with some repugnant chick. Some woman you would never want to make love to in a million years. OF COURSE you would make a porno with Elizabeth Banks - you’d make ANY excuse to have sex with her.

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I had another memorable dream last night.
It starts out looking like Block 1 from high school but it looks like it is located in block 4 at school. And I am unsure that it is definately the school I went to when I was younger but it is definately high school. And we’re baking a cake. I didn’t start the cake but someone bodged it up and I jumped in to fix cooking the cake. And it looks like we’re baking this cake in a classroom I have never seen before but, outside was very familiar. I watched it bake in an oven which was inbedded to a wall where a classroom should be and the cake was moving. It looked like it was in a round cake tin and cut into a squares and it was moving up and down and anti-clockwise. I can’t make out who is teaching us how to cook but where we are cooking looks like a money register (where you would buy something from) and we walk down and around the register to cook. I couldn’t make out whether there were other people who were around.
But then it cuts quickly (like a quick fade out/fade in) and I am on the phone looking out a door. It looks like the exact same place except the registers are gone and tables are in its place and I am on the phone. To either the police or security telling them that they have just stolen it. What exactly? I am not sure. They ran out of the door moments before and I can’t see them. The door I am looking out of is a door 90° from the door to the classroom I was just in. My cake is still baking. Whoever is there showing us how to cook this cake tells me there is a good chance mine stuffed. Then I woke up.
What does it all mean?

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Commodore Balls

No, this is not ANOTHER rant about how the Holden Commodore can suck the shit out of my arsehole. It is more about this: http://gadgets.softp … omeback-8533-01.html
I will ask you all to cast you memories back…all of you who visit my site. Regardless of age, you will remember the dinosaurs. Afrovenator (later became famous for the style of hair which was teamed by black people), Allosaurus (went on to be in his own British show “‘Allo ‘Allo”), Dilong (derrived from the latin word ‘Dildo Dong’) and the Utahraptor (hates Homosexuals, executes retards and very religous).
Well, around this time you had the Commodore64 which had a cassette deck which you could load games onto. The monitor was joined to the keyboard with a seemingly flawless design. We never owned one but we knew people who did and they had Greg Norman golfing or some type of Golfing game. It took minutes to load and it was in green and black. Back then, it was THE shit. By today’s standards, it IS shit. We have mobile phones that are many times over more powerful than the Commodore64 and is now the basis of all Internet related jokes. And well, I am not one to pass up a good joke.
The new commodore will come with a WHOLE 1MB of lightning-fast RAM. This is a major upgrade from their previous 64 kB RAM. They have replaced the tape deck (and later the 5 1/4inch drive) with a 3 1/2 inch floppy which can handle a STAGGERING 1.44MB (1.36MB post-formatted) and boy, you can access the data off THAT baby in no time! A CD-ROM will be available for purchase at a later date. It will only be able to read CDs giving you access to a massive 700MB of space. And really, that is more than anyone needs. We have replaced the original PC speaker with a KILLER 16 bit sound but erm…there is still only one speaker. I even got a sound bite from the sound engineers that developed the sound portion of the NEW Commodore:

A lot of time and development went into this. It turns out that there is some stuff out there a little more powerful for power consumption but we had the ultimate goal of providing cutting edge technology and a reasonable cost. Plus, going from mono to a two-speaker stereo set up is just a waste of time. Who would want that many speakers? We have an firmware update that will cater for those freaks who need 2 speakers. The firmware will allow stereo emulation. What we did is we took the mono sound and broke it up in to two. The firmware update will be available from our BBC and newsgroup.

I guess the most impressive aspect of this beast is the CPU and motherboard upgrade. The CPU which goes from an 8-bit MOS Technology 6510 microprocessor in the old Commodore64 (ran at an embarrassingly slow 1.02 MHz) and they amped that bad boy WAY UP. They now have that running an AMAZING 100MHz! It does not stop there. On the side of the keyboard is a turbo button. You press it and…BLAMMO! 200MHz!.
They’re a reasonable $3500. Available in the next few months so wait with baited breath. I know I will be.

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