2 Inches Of Fury

Something Worth Reading.

Fark

While I am in the middle of doing up more reviews and spreading my opinion thin to an intolerable level, I came accross this site:
http://www.fark.com/
You get to find out things like:
* Some woman arrested for having 100 pounds of weed on her (It’s for medicinal purposes, officer.)
Or
* Politician sex tape is somewhere “safe” (they call it Youtube)

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Picky Motherfucker Cops 2 Inches

http://www.news.com. … frfro0-1225818675860
Some guy with an intellect, too much time and no originality made a formula to work out why single men can’t find a girlfriend. I spent 10 seconds figuring out why you can’t get a girlfriend. I am guessing you either like trannys, have too higher expectation or you spend too much time on a calculator and not enough time putting yourself out there. Either way, you’re a dick who doesn’t deserve to be in the news. It’s not news, it’s not even infotainment. Especially when you bring us something which has already been done before and applied it to a situation that only makes things seem bleak when you don’t put any effort into it.
If you were REALLY smart, you’d get yourself out there instead of sitting alone working out an equasion that makes no difference to anyone.

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David Cross

David Cross is an intellectual comedian that finds humor in deconstruction. You’ve seen him in tonnes of things here, there and everywhere. One of the best characters he played was Tobias Fünke in Arrested Development. He was also in a brilliant comedy show (that lasted four seasons) called Mr Show in the mid-90s and had a movie which was an off-shoot of a character from Mr Show. He did a 2 comedy albums (one of which was a slice of fucking genius called, “Shut Up, You fucking baby”). He was in various other movies and tidbits you can find on IMDB.
Anyway, David Cross did an Open Letter to Larry the Cable Guy in 2 parts. I just knew that these two paths would cross (pun not intended). It begins as Cross deconstructing in his usual witty and fucking riotously funny way. And then over the course of 18 minutes, it changes.
You will find the written letter here.
Part 1:


Part 2:

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Bush Cops 2 Inches

Back on this day in 2002 – In his State of the Union Address, U.S. President George W. Bush described governments he accused of sponsoring terrorism and seeking weapons of mass destruction as an “axis of evil”, specifically naming Iran, Iraq, and North Korea.
Got me thinking – How far can government go before people go, “Wait a fuckin second. What did he say?
“The sky is going to rain marshmellow on bed of strawberry fields forever?”
“Did he say that if we don’t kill the Arabs, Satan will climb a ladder up to Earth and enslave all of human kind?”
“Did he just say that Bozo the clown is our new God and if we do not praise Bozo, we are unAmerican?”
“Did he just say that Scientology is real and that there is factual evidence that says dianetics works?”
“Did he just claim he was Batman and that Gothem City was under attack and to save the world and get the girl, we must bomb Iraq because that is where the joker and Mr Freeze lives?”
How much crazy shit can they get away with? I guess if it is done in a tactful way, they can do anything, right? Use big words that a select few will actually know the meanings of and use such structured sentences with filler words that the answer to any question is never addressed. And use patriotism to make something more than just pointless suicide – you MUST enter this war if you love your country. What kind of passive-aggressive shit is that?
And what did they call it? The war on terrorism. It sounds fine straight off the bat but if you even spend more than one second logically thinking about it, the concept is so wildly stupid you really question if people are that stupid to buy into it. David Cross had a hardy laugh and then said that the war on terrorism is like the war on jealousy. It’s not like you can brush your hands and say, “Well…that’s all of them. All the terrorists in the world…gone.”
Bush has since done more outrageous shit which I will comment when I read more.

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Roy Andersson

He’s not coping two inches as that would imply a grave injustice had been done.
This time, it is fun. For the uninitiated, Roy Andersson is a Swedish film director who has only done two movies but both seem to be an extremely high grade with the oddest sense of humor which really speaks to me. I have included the trailers of both his films and all the ads that Roy did for various TV stations:
Songs From the Second Floor:


You, The Living:


Ad Video 1:


Ad Video 2:


Ad Video 3:


Ad Video 4:


Ad Video 5:


Just really good stuff.

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Hackers

Ok, so there were two guys. The first one was a satellite business owner by the name of John R. MacDougall who was going broke. There is a long story to this but for about 4 1/2 minutes he had overwritten HBOs signal strength back in early 1986.


Then there was Max Headroom who was someone obviously a bit more clued on than John MacDougall as he was never caught. No one knows who he is but he is definately a freak. This video clip actually scares the shit out of me:


He did this in the same year as Captain Pantsdown but 9 months apart. The Max Headroom reference was to the TV show and the mask he is obviously wearing. All the laughing in the clip is so manic like the person behind the mask was fucking losing it on camera. Although the spanking on screen was a nice touch.

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Dingoo

URL: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dingoo
I am not a gamer. Well, not exactly - I’m an old school gamer in the sense that I grew up with a Sega Master System followed by a SNES and then Nintendo64 before we went on video game hiatus. My brothers have continued since but I only go back to the old school games including the consoles I didn’t own (NES, Genesis, etc).
ANYWAY, there is this handheld console that looks just like a DS called a Dingoo.
It plays emulated games. So you can find emulators and ROMS on the net free these days for old school gamers like myself. And if you’re into the torrent thing, you can find packs which eliminates searching for ROMS all day. It is like a camera in the sense that it uses an SD card (or many SD cards). The handheld device will set you back 100 sheets and then SD cards on top. A small price to pay, really.
Here is a sample of what you’re likely to expect:


Fucking sweet.

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Movie Snapshot

The Dead Zone - 62%
This is another Dave Cronenberg film from his early films that predates the Fly. I fucking love Christopher Walken and Martin Sheen. Just not really sure why this didn’t add up to be one of the best Stephen King novel adaptations ever (according to the critics at RT). They seem to down play Johnny’s abilities and that might have had something to do with it. The ending was exactly what you expect - pretty standard and not really that interesting but the two final handshakes in the film were both effective.

The Rocker - 58%
Forget what RT had to say about this movie - it’s not that bad. I see where they are coming from but there is something about the protangonist in this film I connect with. However, in the same breath the movie would have been better if it were done by Jack Black. However, it has been done (more or less) in School of Rock which was way better than this film. It’s ultimately a children’s story which is average and predictable but still plenty of fun to be had. Oh, and a surprise Cameo from Will Arnett who I am starting to like more and more in just about everything he shows up in.

The Spongebob Squarepants Movie - 84%
I fucking love Spongebob. Nothing better than sitting back watching a Spongebob marathon for hours with a few cold bourbons. Before I saw this movie, I thought how could you stretch out a 10 minute episode out to an hour and a half? Well, they did and with plenty of memorable moments. Out of the musical numbers in the movie, I only really enjoyed the very last song - “I’M A GOOFY GOOBER! YEAH!” which is why it didn’t get a higher score. Don’t expect to see any violence Devil’s Rejects-style and it is predictable but an enjoyable ride none-the-same.

Tropic Thunder - 63%
60% out of the 63% goes to Robert Downey Jr for playing a playing a white Australian guy playing a black American. Ben Stiller plays the same character he always does which can be a little tiring if it is not within the right context and Jack Black’s character while being fleshed out pretty well, is the most disappointing of the three. While it had funny moments, it’s wasn’t consistantly funny but it was consistantly entertaining.

The American Astronaut - 91%
A bizzare musical space odyssey which will not work if you are looking for a cohesive story. The charm of the characters works on its own. While it may be some of the strangest cinema you will ever see, it has enough unique and charming scenes to hold their own (remember the toilet scene? Classic). Most people will walk out of the cinemas scratching their head going, “What the fuck was that?” While I walked away going, “Wow, what a film.” And on a small budget, too. Just goes to show you don’t have to have millions of dollars to make a good movie. In fact, it make million dollar blockbusters look incredibly cliche, tiresome and overpriced for an end product. Oh, and one fucking great soundtrack. There needs to be more soundtracks out there as different as this is.

Mulholland Drive - 97%
I see this as David Lynch’s opus. Whether he will do a film quite as well as this again, I don’t know. But this goes as one of my favourite movies of all time and I loved the film in the way that you take away from the film what you put into it. I would imagine that the mainstream audience would not enjoy this as it does not passively lay all the pieces out in a logical step-by-step manner. Which means if you want to follow the movie, you really have to think about it and I can only imagine a small handful of people would even bother. Failing to actively watch the film will just leave you confused and annoyed.

Nobody, but nobody, makes movies as glossy, hypnotic, repellant, exciting, annoying, memorable, incoherent and entertaining as writer-director David Lynch.

- Margaret A. McGurk, Cincinnati Enquirer

Coffee and Cigarettes - 87%
While director Jim Jarmusch might not mean a whole lot to people, he seems to be pretty continuous with the quality of his films. Apparently, this was filmed over a period of 17 years which interesting but it is essentially a series of mini episodes or vignettes. It is all in black and white and as you can image each vignette is about Coffee and Cigarettes. Most vignettes are at least interesting to watch (with a few of them tread into comedy). I’m surprised at the amount of music artists in this film - Jack White, Iggy Pop, Tom Waits and GZA.

UHF - 79%
Weird Al is not really that weird but he is the lead in this film and good to watch. Listening to the commentry on the DVD, it is really great to see how things either worked, didn’t work or were just improvised on the spot. His gags are sometimes and lame and it is definately a feelgood film but Michael Richards (Kramer from Seinfeld) steals the show by being a dim-witted (but loyal) cleaner who has a way with the kids and the camera.

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas - 85%
RT is way off on this film. Thoroughly enjoyed it thanks mostly to Johnny Depp and Benico Del Toro’s performance and the amazing drug-induced visuals. It is a Hunter S. Thompson adaptation who is clearly writing about himself in the book. You can either nit pick or simply enjoy the ride (with a car boot full of drugs). It’s about a journalist and a lawyer getting fucked up on drugs and going to Las Vegas. It also helps if your director is Terry Gilliam.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind - 90%
Great message, great premise, executed well and strangely good performance by Jim Carey in an uncharacteristically serious film. It’s a nice break from all the comedy’s Carey has been doing. The visuals certainly help but do not in any way hinder the story. It is as good as RT will have you believe. Certainly left field from Carey and proof he doesn’t have to be a one-show pony loon 24/7.

Be Kind Rewind - 46%
Great premise, poor execution. It looked like something that I would thoroughly enjoy but the sum of its parts did not add up. Just nothing to get me excited about and the laughs were few and far between to be anymore than just an average film.

Nacho Libre - 13%
Just dead shit. I would give it a lower score but lucky for this film there are far worse movies and it wouldn’t be fair to group this movie with something worse. The only redeeming feature about this film was one or two moments in the film where you do laugh and go, “Holy shit, did I just laugh?” but those moments are more rare than naked photos of your Mum.

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