2 Inches Of Fury

Something Worth Reading.

Jamie Oliver Cops 2 Inches - Fuck You, Jamie

I am not going to go on an endless rant. That’s not what I’m about.
I don’t know why but Jamie Oliver shits me.
There is something about that smug fuck. He had this show not too long ago which was showing the general public what is right and what is wrong to eat. Apples = Good, KFC = Bad. 5 cups of Vegetables = Good, Diahrrea = Bad.
I believe there is a sliding scale of smart people vs the sort of people who would watch this show. What I mean by that is, if you are smart you should/would have a pretty good idea on the sort of food you should really be eating. The show would only appeal to people who would intelligent enough to take an interest and those who really should take the information onboard would only watch the show if all the other free-to-air channels are broken and couldn’t be fucked getting up under their own weight, walking over to the computer and facebooking or myspaceing.
That doesn’t mean to say that what works in theory is what is actually executed in practise; people know what is good for them yet they continue to eat shit food. It’s a human fault that the majority would prefer to have that instant gratification and worry about the consequences later over having something that is healthy for you and it paying off in the long run. This would explain why I have 30 minutes to have some sad, tiny looking burger and some fat-soaked and extremely uninteresting “fries”/chips at the local grease shack any time during the day that isn’t some odd time of the day to be eating like 3:30PM. The thing is, I’m not pointing any fingers as I am a fat man, myself.
The point is that while there is facade of interesting facts, essentially is a big-arsed lecture. Something my parents would give me when I was younger. Which I can live without. The only decision is when my parents gave me a lecture is I didn’t have a choice in listening to it or not.

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A Few Movies Cop 2 Inches

Recently I have seen: Testosterone, Miss March, Cheaper by the Dozen 2, Surviving Christmas, Deck the Halls, I know who killed me and Ballistic: Ecks Vs Sever.
Just to put things in perspective, Testosterone is the bottom of the barrel. In fact, if there was a level below the bottom of the barrel that is where I place this tedius film.

Miss March was made by the guys who did Whitest Kids U Know which is a funny Canadian comedy. I have no idea what it is but there always seems to be issues with TV actors/directors/etc attempting to do a movie and failing epically. While this movie was not very good, it still was not THAT bad. The 4% was totally harsh and it undeservedly rated 39 in the list.

Cheaper by the Dozen 2 was fucked and deserves everything it gets. It’s that bad, even Hilary Duff looks unattractive in it.

The major issue with Surviving Christmas is it has Ben Affleck in it. It’s only saving grace is James Gandolfini. Unfortunately James Gandolfini does not take out a gun and blow Ben Affleck’s fuckin head right off. That would have made a great film. And it also would have shortened the film to 10 minutes. Which is actually 9 more minutes I can stand of the original film.

I don’t know what it is but I like Matthew Broderick. There is something about his style that appeals to him. Unfortunately he was in Deck the Halls with Danny DeVito which actually took away any Christmas cheer I had and turned it in unstoppable nerd rage. After watching this film, I actually liked Matthew Broderick a little less. I didn’t give a shit about Danny DeVito before the film and after seeing the film, I am indifferent.

This is probably a statement I am going to regret later but I know who killed me was not THAT bad. I mean, it was still pretty crap but not total shit. According to “The Movie Boy”: “Lohan’s stripteases and pole-swinging theatrics at the gentleman’s club are notable for being genuinely steamy, sleekly shot and choreographed”. I do not know which movie they were watching but I bet after that pole dance, that pole now has an several more different types of chlamydia. Not steamy in my books; I guess whatever gets you going. It did an effective use of blue. However, it was never explained the significance of the blue to any great degree. One thing was certain: the FBI portion to this film was absolutely fucking pointless as they were less than help than reading glasses to a blind man. It also wasn’t very clear that the family that had Aubrey was paying Dakota’s Mum’s crack addiction. And gave the viewer absolutely no insight as to why Norquist was the way he was. Just that he killed once and that he attempted to kill Aubrey but was unable to because of stigmata. Lindsay Lohan was not the best choice for her role as twins but let’s face it, I could be worse: Paris Hilton. With ALL these negative aspects to the film it did leave you guessing as to what the fuck was going on. I guess when you found out, the care factor deteriorated to 0.

Ballistic was an action film with an unlikely high body count. Rottentomatoes pegged this as number 1 in the last 10 years as being the truly worst film but I am still not convinced. Did they all see Testosterone? That was far worse. And perhaps Surviving Christmas. What I am certain is Cheaper by the Dozen 2 was far worse. It will the butt of my jokes for the next little while. I haven’t seen the Pink Panther movies and they look absolutely disasterous. It was a turn-your-mind-off and let the explosions take you where ever. Oh, and don’t expect the acting to be any good. The plot wasn’t deep but it flowed which is…something. I guess.

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Dumb Bitch Cops 2 Inches

There’s a news story going around at the moment that some dumb bitch thought it would be a good idea to go for a round-world trip in a yacht. It’s not even a big yacht with naked women, a captain to steer the fuckin thing and people serving you food like some kind of fantasy P&O cruise.

I’d paste a link but seriously could not be fucked due the ridiculous nature of this story. The parents’ attitude is, “Who’s to say my daughter can’t go out and have an adventure?” Clearly parents of the year.

No matter what the parent says, the daughter is still gunna go out there and do what she wants. She has nothing better to do with her time nor has any great aspirations or any great offers she is postponing, so she is going to sail the sea and let’s hope she’s prepared for what nature throws at her. Not to mention other sea vessels and people (nasty or otherwise) she may meet. The story is so extreme that I absolutely no sympathy if she drowns or dies out in sea.

To add salt to the wound, she doesn’t seem incredibly bright (although impressions are not always an accurate depiction). Am I the only one who is angered by this story? If she makes it, great - she will be the youngest person who can sail around the world. Then what? A great accomplishment, sure. But can she make a living out of it from that point on?

What happens if this daft bitch doesn’t make it? What will piss me off to no end will be she is out there and then one day she dies. And then they will do a huge news story about her like she was some kind of martyr instead of a dumb bitch who went out into the ocean with little to no knowledge and did an incredibly stupid thing. The people who they will interview will be crying and going, “She was such a young smart woman with so much going for her…” common sense not being one of them. And it will be in the news for like a week.

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A Lot of Shit Cops 2 Inches

I watched this movie, “Deck the Halls” with Matthew Broderick and Danny DeVito. I don’t know why but I’ve always like Matthew Broderick as an actor but apart from the movie, ‘Election” I can’t think of too much else he has been in that I enjoyed. A toilet full of diarrhea has less shit than this movie.

Recently, rottentomatoes did a top 100 worst films for the last decade. And the reason why I watched this film in the first place is because it made this list. In fact 3 Christmas movies made the list. I have started watching them all. As luck would have it, I have only watched one or two films from this 100 movies list as I spend most of my time watching good films. So this is a venture into what makes a bad film. Call it a chemical imbalance but, I have an interest in both really good movies and really bad movies. So since I have seen one side of the scale, I am always on the look out to see really bad films too.

There is many reasons why this movie sucked. Firstly for the Christmas comedy it was pretending to be, it was 90 minutes laugh-free. Secondly, all the characters were so generic (and quite unlikeable) I could not give a flying monkey shit what happened to them. If I saw this movie at Christmas time, it would actually make me angry and would take away the cheer I once had for Christmas or at least Christmas lights.

It stars Kristin Davis (Charlotte from Sex in the City) who I thought she was hot at one stage but the more I see her in bad films like this, the more she makes my penis soft. Out of the four women in sex in the city, she was the one I liked the most. She was in Couples retreat which I saw recently at the cinemas with my wife. While it did generate 2 maybe 3 laughs, it too was a giant disappointment. The interviews with Vince Vaughn and Jason Bateman were more interesting than the movie.

Then I realized how shit sex in the City was as a TV show. It’s not quite softcore porn, but there is more sex talk then anything else and a completely unrealistic view on how men are supposed to be. If that is what women REALLY expect from me, they are in for a world of disappointment. Sarah Jessica Parker is ugly, Samantha (Kim Cattrall) comes off as having enough variations of VD to be put in the Guinness book of records, Miranda (Cynthia Nixon) is to Sex and the City as Meg is to Family Guy.

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150 Entries!

This is my 150 entry.
I was going to save it for a rainy day when I had a tonne of things worth talking about.
Like a person who just took a handful of turbo lax, I can not hold it in and had to make my 150th post.
Thank you to the very select few that made it all worth while.
Or not worth while. The main thing is you paid attention.
Or visited my site.
Or pretended you’ve been to my site.

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Mobile Phones Cop 2 Inches

I fuckin hate mobile phones.
It’s no secret. I started a new job and was handed a Blackberry 8110.
For the uninitiated, a Blackberry is simply a glorified phone with (somewhat) reliable email and internet capabilities. Essentially, the best in the business and this is why people fork out shitloads for a Blackberry.
I was issued a Blackberry so essentially no matter where I am, I can be contacted via email AS WELL as phone call and SMS. Just great.
For someone who spends most of their time at work calling people on mobile phones, mobile phones merely stroke the ego and not much more. Firstly there is very few jobs that are so crucial that requires you to be contactable all the time. Secondly, when you call them they rarely answer any way thus making the mobile pretty fucking pointless.

What they have done with mobile phones is genius. They have tapped into human psyche and made it feel like you NEED a mobile phone for various reasons. If anyone spends a fuckin second thinking about these reasons, NONE of which are really necessary. People are so insecure that they need contact or to be contacted by other people all the time to make them feel special or wanted. Or whether it is the need to fit it with everyone else because they all have phones so I need to have a phone.

Kids do NOT need a phone. Safety or whatever, (at most) a kid can suffice with a Nokia 3110. They can call if they ever get stuck but when I was a kid, there was no mobile. Worse case we’d use a public phone and bum 50cents from somewhere.

Where this entry originated from was from a news article which said in a nutshell that kids are being hit with huge bills; on occasion reaching the $1000s. Or rather, their parents being hit with the bill. It goes on to explain that there is all this fine print with the contracts that simply state internet use will cost you one arm and one leg.
This one is a little complicated than I first thought. I was originally going to get my high horse and start ranting about how people are stupid for not knowing what they sign themselves up for, etc. While there is some truth to that, there is more to it. It should be a two way street of responsibility. If all the facts are not being told to the consumer than their purchase is being upon the facts that ARE being presented. How is the consumer supposed to know something if they are not told? Additionally, it adds salt to the wound when what we are told are not facts but lies to ensure we buy something we don’t really need. The main telecommunications company in Australia, Telstra, build most of their customer database based on people out in the world who do not know any better signing up for things and being promised the world when the fine details say otherwise. They sign up to Telstra’s 200MB data plan which is $29.95/month but also subject to being charged something crippling like 25c/MB once the limit has been exceeded. And then the consumer wonders when they browse websites daily and still download nothing big except email attachments to their Outlook why their latest bill was $500.
Who reads all the fine print on everything they sign up for? I can not get all mighty about something which we are all guilty about doing. You’d be a fool not to read the fine print but is done rarely by anyone.

Kids are still stupid for using their phones to view websites. It is just fucking retarded behavior. Parents are equally as stupid to buy phones for kids that have much more functionality than what is required. Kids do NOT need to browse the internet where ever they are.

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Traffic Cops 2 Inches

I dunno about you but when I am stuck in traffic, it is situations like these that make me lose faith in humanity.

Here is what happened: A truck broke down on a three lane highway allowing traffic to only 2 lanes. Pretty simple. Now for the rest of this to make sense, I drive about an hour to work every day. I get on at Logan Road. For those who have no idea where that is, it is probably 10-15KMs away from where this truck broke down. If you are a backward American who still lives in the 50s and is unsure on what a kilometer is, that is what Google is for. It’s a long way. The traffic was backed up further than the entrance to the highway I got on at.
When you’re stuck in traffic, the only thing you want to do is either get the fuck out of there or find out what the fuck is causing the hold up. I don’t know if this a global thing or whether it is only the morons who live in the vicinity that do this but once I had merged in to one of the other lanes, no more traffic and shit was free flowing. So, what was causing all the hold up? How come it takes an hour to take regular traffic (which is understandable being the most popular way to get into the city from the south side) and sort it from 3 lanes to 2 like it is some sort of Government department? It goes from slow to stop. And when I say slow, I mean 20KM/hour is always a stretch and you NEVER go out of the first gear.

What blows my fucking mind and gives almost gives me an aneurysm is the fact that everyone stops to have a look at the truck being broke down. Like it is THAT exciting at the expense of the 100s (possibly 1000s) of people who use the highway; late. It’s a truck. And it is not moving. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE STOPPING TO HAVE A LOOK? You can’t fix the problem. It’s NOT interesting. So why, people? WHY?!?

I left home at 7:15. Got to work at 8:50.
Fuck this shit. I am going home, going to bed and calling in sick.
What a way to sour up the start of a Friday.

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Lesbians Cop 2 Inches. Jesus, If Only It Were True…

http://www.news.com. … 2164-5014090,00.html

“SWEDISH tourism bodies have been swamped with inquiries from millions of men captivated by a mythical town rumoured to be home to 25,000 sex-mad lesbians.”

I see a few flaws. Yes, they could not hide such a tale for 150 years.

“Many of the town’s female residents became lesbians “because they could not suppress their sexual needs…”

Oh right and Asian men are the ones who are going to take care of their sexual needs with their 1 inch, stub-of-a-cock? You will need 4 or 5 Asian men just for these women to feel something.

Have you seen any Swedish women? I have. On the Internet. Usually doing stuff to each other or to some extremely lucky men. And they have completely unrealistic body shapes and beauty. I didn’t have any real point to this paragraph. Just leaving you all with that mental picture. Once you’re done, thank me.

JUST to be on the safe side, I am writing this entry from an airplane I have hi-jacked. I am gunna Google Earth this bastard and I will see you on the other side of massive sex orgy.

As for the section where it says I will be beaten half to death if I try to find this tribe of primal sexual beauties, that seems to be a pretty good consolation prize.

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