2 Inches Of Fury

Something Worth Reading.

Newsworthy

After reading these, you really start to wonder what kind of freaks live out there. Additionally, you start to worry about the general population when shit like this gets advertised:

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2 Inches Goes Bolly, I Guess

First there was Steve Irwin. He was a great representative because he was the epitome of what the rest of the world thought Australians to be and most of all, everyone loved him.

And then you get some toss who really has absolutely no clue on anything and is indirectly being offensive and quite honestly, I have no idea how he managed to get his own show because I certainly haven’t ever heard of him before the show was made. And if people think this is what Australians are like (and while being somewhat accurate) it certainly does not represent me as an Aussie. If by now you have no idea what the fuck I am on about, I’m talking about that classic show, “Aussie Goes Bolly” which has about as much appeal as 2 Girls 1 Cup. Well ok, may be not that much appeal. At least 2 girls 1 cup had more people go to their site than people watched, “Aussie Goes Bolly.”

And really when it came to that site, you had the majority of us who went, “Oh. There’s 2 girls and by the title, I am only guessing a cup is somehow invol…HOLY SHIT! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!?! Surely there can be better ways to earn your tuition and uni fees than this! Christ! OH WAIT! IT GETS WORSE! FUCK! There is not a single man alive that finds you attractive, anymore.”
And then you had that 1-3% of the population (you can never be sure of the actual figure) that captured the stream and saved it to your hard drive to come back for second helpings. Or bookmarked the website. You sick freaks. And even worse: asking your other half to perform such acts.

So I guess what I am trying to say is Sonja and I are no longer together. I’m sleeping out on the lawn. Guys, chicks apparently don’t dig that stuff. Ha, just kidding. What I am really saying is you can measure how good a TV show or movie is by how many people saw it (not always but it does apply in this situation). And then how many people saw 2 Girls 1 Cup. Regardless on how bad a prank it was to get linked to such a website.

Sorry for the terrible quality:

This does not make good TV watching. This doesn’t even make bad television watching. This is on a whole sub level to bad. Whatever that is.

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Mp3 of the Week

Realistically, I should have a weekly poll.

Give the people an option and may be a little about the band (for that don’t know) and see how it all goes. But this week, I am throwing caution to the wind like drinking and getting behind the wheel or taking a dump on a friends pillow. And to continue going in the same direction this whole website has been going - absurd.

Parry Gripp - Do You Like Waffles?

It’s not tasteful. It’s barely a song. It’s more like a jingle. Who really downloads these songs?

Next week I have a poll. Or maybe a pole…in my pants.

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F.A.Q.

I get emailed questions all the time about myself by strangers.

1. Is it really 2 inches?
A: Don’t be silly. Of course not. More like barely 1. Sonja will appreciate that joke.

2. Do you think you’re funny?
A: Yes.

3. Do you think this site will take you anywhere?
A: Anywhere is better than nowhere.

4. Favourite colour?
A: Baby poo brown. Or Crichton Brown.

5. Favourite song?
A: Trick question. Out of the entire library of albums I own, I can not think of just one song which is the best. There are many great songs, but not one which is a head above the rest.

6. Your Weight?
A: 88KGs. 85 of that is in my pants.

7. Height?
A: 165cms. 160 of that is in my pants. Sonja is still doing yoga classes. My penis is like a teenager (or a small man) - 160cms and 85KGs.

8. Favourite movie?
A: Again a trick question. I have a small list of favourite movies: Spice World, Leonard Part 6, Howard the Duck, Glen or Glenda, Epic Movie, Date Movie, Alone in the Dark (Uwe Boll is one of my favourite directors of all time) and Battlefield Earth.

9. Really?
A: No.

10. Favourite band?
A: Metallica, Linkin Park, Jay-Z and 50 Cent. Linkin Park because of their generic nu-metal shit. Metallica because most of the world loves them and I couldn’t give a giant shit if they ever existed. Jay-Z because I needed something to take the piss out of and 50 cent because if you are able to market licking one’s “lollipop” (or in a heavily suggestive manner - one’s member) in such a way, that not only men but women everywhere think it is acceptable and go, “I fucking love this song.” - that is genius.

11. Really?
A: No. Have you been paying any attention at all? Jesus.

12. What does Oho Stand for?
A: Ya Mum.

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Well Hung With 2 Inches

I simply can not believe it. This whole time I don’t understand how we missed a certain person who took good taste and took a giant shit all over it. It’s the man himself, William Hung.
With no only a face a mother could love but he could chew grass through a barb wired fence.

Watching this video makes feel fuckin awkward as hell:

And somehow music execs thought it would be a good idea to give this man a series of albums.
I think Pablo Francisco summed up Hung rather nicely:

First (s)hit single from Hung:

William Hung’s first album, “Inspiration” completely lacks the exact element its title leads you believe it has or gives to others. It does however give me the inspiration to get off my fat arse and turn the CD off. I have yet to force myself to listen to any more than 3 tracks. And as far as I am concerned, that was 3 tracks too many. Or rather, give me the inspiration to write this entry.

The guy looks like he has either down Syndrome or suffers from a case of being hit with the ugly stick far too many times. He can’t sing and his backing tracks sound like 3rd rate karaoke. He is all about passion, novelty, perseverance and staying true to yourself while at the same time having a good laugh at the clear lack of talent. These markings are his greatest assests. Which could be summed in several sentences at the start of the album instead of having to force the listener to sit through 12…14 tracks (after awhile, you really lose track of how many there are - that’s not a good thing). I fail to see how this at all relates to music but somehow it translates into one of the worst CDs of all time. But, please do not get me wrong - it\’s not THE worst album of all time.

What does it matter to William? Not a great deal. I am sure he was paid enough to cover his uni debt, a new car and perhaps a deposit on a house. Where’s the credibility? That’s not important, either. It is not like a singer of William’s ability could have obtained a cult status and worked his way up into the mainstream and turned into a pop sensation. He “sold out” (if that is even possible), took the money and ran. To his credit he now has 3 albums he can say, “This is what I’ve done in my life.”

This brings me to the next album he released: “Hung for the Holidays”. I could go on making penis jokes for many paragraphs. Since this album is worse than the dreadful, “Inspiration” I think I will.
* They should call him William Not Hung or Not Very Hung
* Hung by his own penis
* Other album titles could have included, “Hung in name, but not by nature”, “Hung Goes Wild”, “Hung up on Hung”, “Hung on the Pipe”, “Hung Does Dallas”, “HUNGry Eyes” or “HUNGry Jacks” and Kwang’s album “Hung”
* 2 Inches is Hardly Hung

As Tim pointed out in previous posts’, it’s hardly a review but we really don’t need a break down of what we expect with a William Hung album except more of the same.

And his last album, “Miracle: Happy Summer from William Hung”. This is perhaps THE worst album of all time. Well, ok it ties with Linkin Parks, “Hybrid Theory” and…well ok, anything by Linkin Park. Hung “sings” the Beach Boys, 98°and Billy Ray Cyrus. Poorly. You would expect a tone deaf person singing to songs that were popular 10-15 years ago as the sort of experience you would get out of an album like this. The laughter died 2 albums ago about 4 songs in over a couple of beers.

So to conclude, all 3 albums are a slice of genius with a sprinkle of heaven for the ears and angel kisses on arouria of senses. I give all 3 albums 5 stars. 5_stars.gif

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2 Inch Hard Dick Drive & A Reboot

http://www.tomshardw … rage,news-29608.html

It\’s a great idea, don’t get me wrong except for one giant flaw. I work at a help desk where I get calls every day about someone who has forgotten their password. And in some cases, it was only the day before. And nothing has changed except for some reason they can’t remember the password. This won’t happen always but can you imagine the lengths some technician is gunna have to go through to get through the protection to get around the encrypted data? Jesus H. Christ. All because some user has come to a technician and said, “I have forgotten my password on my hard drive. And I need the data 5 minutes ago. So, chop chop.”

http://www.tomshardw … dows,news-29703.html

This is the most rediculous notion. Simply because if you are going to run a system with Windows on it, this is bound to happen. It’s like saying, “Ok, we’re giving you lunch and toilet breaks but everytime you wanna use one I am gunna dock you pay.” So you have people who get urinary tract infections from holding it in because they already earn piss poor amounts of money now and can’t afford to take toilet breaks. Maybe you’re better off peeing in a bottle you keep by the side of desk. Even the perfect world of a Mac or Linux might need a reboot. Oh, and work a little harder or I’ll dock you pay.

It’s like saying, “We’re gunna hire you as a chef. But as soon as you any ingredients, we will dock your pay the amount of money it cost for the ingredients you used.”

What angers me about this is because those people are the bottom of the run in the IT world, they are treated like shit and if there is any backlash, get rid of them because there are a million other people to replace them. They’re disposable but what companies don’t understand is the stress and pressure of being worked to the bone all the time is the amount of money it costs the company on sick days and other days they take off. And then if you have a constant rotation of new employees, the amount of time and the amount of money spent on finding new ones to replace the old ones also costs far more both in the short and in the long run. So it would be beneficial to the company to make the people you have work for you now feel like they’re not under constant scrutany.

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2 Inches of ABBA

Dearest Diary,

Today’s date is 30/11/2008. This week’s highest selling game across all platforms is Singstar’s ABBA.

Amazing, yet really sad.
No Mario, Need for Speed, Sims, Halo or even Pokermon. They all came close. But didn’t make the grade. Just further proof the general public have absolute fuckin tragic tastes in not just music but also video games as well. I don’t play games much these days but in all the games in the world I wouldn’t be caught dead playing, ABBA singstar would be one of them.
This guy is classic:

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Windows 7 Feels the Pinch of 2 Inches

Windows 7 (also known as Blackcomb and Vienna) looks to be released mid next year.

The way I see it, a company like Microsoft is going to be in a tight position. It can go one of two ways: Under promise and over deliver. This is what a good project manager does. Calculates the worst case scenario, promises that they will deliver within this timeframe and anything inside of that is simply a bonus.

Where am I going with this? Well, Microsoft blow caution to the wind(ows) and does the complete opposite. From a marketing perspective this makes sense because of course you want people to purchase your product. But they over promise and under deliver. Between Windows 95 and XP; people have come to expect blue screens. It’s still one of the giant joke of the internet. Which reminds me, it’s Fact Vs Fiction time:

Fiction: Macs never crash. This has always been one of the strong selling points due to any MS-related OS was about as stable as a woman’s emotional state, francium, the American Economic state or caesium-137/DS 267 (which is metastable - which has a lifespan of 3*10^-6 seconds). That’s a little science joke for those who got it.

Fact: Suck on my nuts. MS try hard to make an OS that doesn’t make poor use of your computer resources. XP doesn’t crash much at all which is a vast improvement on 95/98/XP and to a degree 2000. Plus let’s face it, if you were really sick of Microsofts shit, you would have moved to Linux many years ago and delt with any limitation it might have (if any). Plus this:

win7_macs.jpg

After forking over your hard-earnt cash (or an internal organ on the black market if you are way too po’) or better yet wait 4-5 hours the day it comes out for someone to rip and anti-engineer all 4 editions and put them into a torrent for free downloading after MS spend weeks coding anti-piracy protection. But when you crack open that case and it has that awesome smell of Chinese-produced plastic and install the fresh OS and download a gig of updates which didn’t come with the software and then disable a whole bunch of pre-loaded options which no one except a computer novice would use and then change the shit theme it comes with, only to find out the computer upgrade you just purchased is still under performs compared to your previous machine with about a third of the processing power running XP (or perhaps Linux running a Windows Emulator).

Of course I am talking about Vista. But you can easily see how I can transcribe Vista into Windows 7. Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice? Shame on you. Plus the images I see on the net, a whole lot hasn’t changed. Bigger icons? That equates to someone not understanding you because you speak English and their first language is Russian. So you shout in English at them. They fuckin heard you the first time, you dick. They don’t understand what you mean. Screaming isn’t going to solve anything.

MS were talking about having a service-based operating system which essentially ment you had a dumb terminal and in order to do anything you need an internet connection for MS to allow you to do anything. In Aus, that shit won’t fly. It would take far too long to do just about anything with the shit internet connections we have. Plus, I am sure they will reverse engineer that shit in the first day or two after it is release.

Plus, I love the way they market an new operating system. They use extremely positive but vague statements like, “We’re also trying to make their everyday tasks easier, like connecting and syncing devices, browsing the web, and managing a home network.” In other words, we’re going to make tasks idiot-proof. Which will be next to impossible. I think the way you do things in XP is already easy. And if people haven’t figured out how to do it by now, I think it is about time to give up. Alternatively they could do it the Mac way and make mice one button and when an error happens give a vague description of the problem and tell the user to reboot. If the error still persists, either try and fix it on your own OR contact your system administrator on 555-9232.
Or statements of genius, “We’re paying particular attention to the things they’re telling us are important to them and will make their PCs work the way they want them to—things like enhanced reliability, responsiveness, and faster boot and shut-down.”

In other words, they are going to deliver something worth while. Hey MS, it’s only been 15 years coming but we might get there. People, please don’t get me wrong. I would love to see Windows 7 perform on a machine that doesn’t require a $1500 upgrade. Or come with options which are pointless and take away useful options I use now. Or have complete incompatibility with previous…well, anything prior to the new stuff. A bad start is by running a compatibility test to ensure everything I have now is going to work on the new platform. People have been saying Vista was like Windows ME so if history is anything to go by Windows 7 should be like Windows XP. My only problem with this logic is for every 2 operating systems MS release only one is worth getting.

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