I don’t have a lot of faith in humanity as it is.
And the self service at Woolworths (WalMart if you’re American) isn’t helping.
I was there today with my items of self-loathing which are usually chips, chocolate, soft drink and iced donuts. Rarely all of them at the same time but usually a combination of those. I noticed the skinny bitch about 3 people behind me eyeing me off. If I didn’t know any better, I would have thought she was checking me out and what this temple-of-a-body has to offer. But since I knew better, she was silently judging the few items I had in my basket. She would be have been thinking, “Not a bit of fucking greenery in that small lot. You’re going to go home and consume that rubbish, heavily processed food while you masturbate to videos on youporn and play video games…” and she is partially right. I had a wank this morning. So, I won’t bother having another one until tomorrow.

The guy in front of me is in business attire and is looking very sharp. I bet he works out every day. I’d do that but…yeah but nah. Too much hassle. Maybe the skinny bitch was actually checking the guy out in front of me. Would make more sense. I bet this guy gets ridiculous amounts of vagina. For starters, he’d call it pussy - not vagina. Vagina sounds like a meat you’d buy at a butcher which hangs on a hook like BBQ pork in a Chinese shop. He also has this sour, pissed off look like the reason he goes to the gym is to work out all the stress in his life because he poorly copes with stress. Or has deep seeded issues that give insecurities which prevent him from slipping physically out of his peak shape. Maybe his parents didn’t love him enough. Maybe his shallowness prevents him from banging anyone less than hot so he has to maintain his shape and continues living his current lifestyle. Maybe when he works out, it’s his way of trying to hate himself a little less and gives him an excuse to drink heavy on the weekends. He could be a well-adjusted human being and that is just an unfortunate facial expression he walks around with when he is in fact a nice guy who enjoys working out that is very likeable. But I doubt it.

He moves forward and serves himself. I make it sound like these are fuck machines. I am next. I look around and out of the 5 they have open, this is not looking particularly good. The person on my left, closest to me, is trying to figure out why the payment didn’t go through (she still owes $1 but can’t figure it out). The guy next to her was the guy I was just talking about. He seems like he has his head on straight and I bet my left nut that this guy will be the first to leave. On my right hand side, closest to me, is woman with 2 children. Not to take anything away from women (since they own all the vagina) but how many of them do you know that work in IT and don’t own an iPhone? Or at least proficient at using computers? They’re around, but more rare than a heterosexual at a hairdressing convention. And she is moving through at snails pace. She will take one item, try and find the barcode (which could take awhile), swipe one item, see the price, put it in the bag and then when it spits up an error about the wrong weight because she took her sweet fucking time and then call the assistant over to help her. And do this several times in her time at the self service register. I want to take all of her items, through them back into the store and tell her to go grab them while I serve myself. Self service is here to make life easier for those who know what they’re doing and you don’t lady, so fuck right off.
The next lady down to her is at least 150KGs with her daughter who is about the same size and they’re moving at a reasonable pace. Except she has about 30-40 items in her trolley. Holding the whole thing up.
The lady next her at the back is pregnant…and at most 17. In this day and age, it’s sad when that is no longer shocking. In fact some people go, “17? How come you waited so long? Is there something wrong with you?” And she looks like she is with a friend. But she too isn’t moving in any sort of urgency. Just moving casually and oh look, she dropped a dollar. So off she goes chasing it and it doesn’t just drop to the floor where you pick it up. No, of course not. It drops to the ground in a way that enables the coin to roll along the ground while this pregnant girl chases after it because let’s face it - when you’re up the duff and that young you’re gunna need all the money you can get to support the child on the way. It rolls back towards me and I go to pick it up for her but she stands on it, smiles at me, says something off the cuff like, “Almost got away…” picked it up quite swiftly (far too quick for someone who is pregnant) and walks back to look for other loose change in her wallet to pay for what I assume is the same sort of thing I am buying - chocolate, sweets, soft drink and maybe a carton of Winny blues (cigarettes). And what makes me more upset is that the people who have developed the Woolworths self service registers have done a really good job of streamlining the whole process so it is hard to fuck it up. Scan, put it in the bag, pay for it, leave. As soon as you make something idiot proof, they make a new idiot.

Ah, look at that. The first person to move was the guy just in front of me. And to make matters worse, none of the others on a teller looks to be moving soon.
Woolworths registers: 1. Humanity: 0.
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