Rough words there, Gordo. My wife has been playing this game. Mostly due to her terrible taste in modern video games.
But do you see the above photo? It’s an ingame screenshot Gordon Ramsey in this game. Well, it’s supposed to be ol’ Gordo Ramsey. But you know what it really looks more like? A sex porridge of Clive Owen, Morrisey, Martin Clune and Vinnie Jones.
If all 4 men took their semen, made some kind of gay sex goulash and they produced an offspring? It would be Gordon Ramsey in this video game. ‘Cause it doesn’t really look like Gordo.

Everytime you’re not doing too well in this game, The charismatic Gordo takes bold action by releasing curse words at you. He’s like the father you never had. Nor really want. He gives tough love. Which is a more fucked up way of saying I can’t really give you proper love due to my own inadequacies my father and society when I was young and impressionable has put on me as a human being which now makes me completely unable to show any signs of affection but can at least provide you a nice word when you do well and a smile from the stands when you’re playing football and score a try. Anything less than well and you get verbal abuse. Like boot camp, really.
The thing is, I understand his pain. He sets a very high bar for himself which he adheres to and expects everyone else to do the same. Which no one ever really does. Which in turn puts stress on him as his reputation is on the line everytime they open those doors.
The customers in this game have serious bipolar. Either that or they come into the restaurant carrying with them copious amounts of issues and unreasonable rage. You can’t help but laugh when they’ve been sitting there for any longer than about 10 seconds and fly right off the deep end for having to wait so long. We went to a cafe for mothers day that Mum always enjoys going to. We had been plenty of times before and this year we waited over and hour and a half for our first meal to come out before we spoke to the manager, told them that they’ve lost business because it is fucking unreasonable to be sitting there for that length of time and we’re going to walk away from this and not pay for the drinks we had ordered and the shitty bread we picked at while waiting. If this game was even remotely real, we’d be putting together ingredients in the kitchen instead of clicking on a bowl, it spins around for a second and then…BLAMMO! Meal is done. And the customers walking out after an hour. And the meal wouldn’t take 13 seconds to cook, either.
And the game doesn’t change at all. You have two modes: Work solely in the kitchen or work in the kitchen AND wait the tables. Like the entire restaurant is manned by 2 people. When one of the patrons asks to speak to the manager, the waiter says, “I AM the manager.” Then proceeds to pull down trou and take a steamer on your table. While the people you are serving become offended and leave, the Patrons at the other tables laugh and applaud.
When you progress a bit of the way in, you can tell your waiter to do several things at once. Which would be fine except he doesn’t do them in the order you tell him to. I think the macro the program runs has a VB error in it.
So there is a ridiculous amount of monotony in the game. It just gets harder to man with the odd extra feature which would have been great to have at the start but at least it keeps you playing. It’s like Lil Wayne’s addiction to Promethazine and Codine syrup. When you start, it feels good. When you stop, you feel like shit and wanna die. But…like the opposite of that.
When you have middle American Mum’s who think that video games are the reason for violence in the world (which my main argument against that is how do you explain psychopaths BEFORE video games? Because you know they existed prior to video games, right?), the same logic can apply to this game: By playing this game, I now have unhealthy expectation that my meal is going to be only 15-30 seconds away at any time. I just get some ingredients, touch the bowl, the ingredients and bowl spins itself around and I just have to cook it. Which means taking those ingredients, putting them in a big cauldron, waiting 13 seconds and then putting it on a plate. I’d get 5 stars for the meal if I timed it right and Gordon would say, “Now THAT’S something tasty…” unlike this game. Which leaves a foul taste in my mouth.