It might be the way I am thinking about this but I have yet to come across a phone that beat Nokia 3210. This is the phone I had 12 years ago and while technology has improved, nothing has been better than it since. The only feature that this phone required that would have made it perfect is speakerphone.
I’m not going to travel down memory lane but this is a statement of fact.
You could receive calls on it, you could make calls on it, it did SMS, the battery life lasted 5 days to a week, it had snake and a light - that’s it. The battery finally gave out on me 5 years later in 2004 and I have owned a multitude of phones since and none of them are even half as good to coming close to this phone.

Compare this to what I have now: HTC Desire. A great phone if you want something to fuck around with but practical? Hardly. The HTC can do MMS, youtube searches, angry birds, widgets, 5 megapixel camera (the best of its kind), receive and send emails, emulate old consoles, remotely control my torrent queue, remotely control my Winamp queue on my own home wifi network, remote into my computer at home over the 3g connection, google maps/GPS, browse the internet, a flash, play mp3s and add/remove a multitude of apps whether it be Winamp for Android or Google Goggles. The world is my oyster and the best part about this phone? Most of the good apps are free. It has all of these great features but if it went to all of this trouble, why is it so hard to add proxy settings for those who have internet through a proxy? We have wireless at work through a proxy but that is no fucking good to me because I can’t enter the proxy settings. Thanks, Android!

When I first received the phone, I had to make some changes. If I didn’t, it wouldn’t perform nearly as well as it does now. It came stock with a TONNE of Telstra shitty apps that I was unable to remove as stock. Battery life was abysmal and would become unresponsive just a little less than half the time which makes this fucking useless (I assumed due to the overload of shitty apps running in the background). There was such hype about the Android operating system and how it is better than any other Mobile OS, I guess I must have had the bar set far too high. And some of the things I do with it now, I couldn’t before. I had to root the phone so I could make these changes and that took some time and understanding of knowledge.
My Nokia 3210? Worked perfectly straight out of the box. I added contacts to my SIM card so if the phone ever died (which it never did - the battery did) and could move my contacts around with me. Reception was perfect (except out in the middle of nowhere as this predates 3G), it was responsive and it just worked.
It’s great that my phone can do all this functionality but do I REALLY need to get emails to my phone 24/7? It’s for work but even then I could argue that it is not 100% neccessary. Do I really need youtube searches or browse the internet? Even in this day and age of information readily available at our finger tips, it seems like a large portion of the population seem to not utilise this to its full capacity but rather, bandwidth wasted on mundane drivel on Twitter or Facebook. Facebook takes up something like 8-9% of ALL internet traffic in the world. And while youtube could be seen as a means to submit videos to communicate interesting ideas and thoughts, it’s mostly used obscure shit, half arsed attempts at comedy, viral videos of someone doing something stupid or morons verbalising their stupid thoughts. I didn’t say it wasn’t entertaining but I don’t feel any smarter for watching some guy jump off his roof, catch about 8 branches on the way down to landing on the ground and ending up on Tosh.0. Do I need this functionality on my phone? Is it 100% necessary?
My biggest beef is I have had the Desire now for several months and rooting the phone, placing several different custom ROMs on the device, it STILL freezes (usually right when I need it to do something immediately like make an urgent call) and its battery life. The most I get out of this phone is usually a little over a day which is absolutely fucked. It also means having to figure out how to disable half the things like active wallpaper and any other unneccessary apps running in the background. If you buy the bigger battery…I can’t fucking believe you make me pay $700-$800 for a device AND THEN have the balls to charge me for a battery that is going to cost me more. ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? Plus, the bigger battery still only gives me about 2 and a half days which is still way shit…3 days tops if I don’t make many calls. Not to mention if someone calls and I have the phone in my pocket like a regular human being keeps it (unless you’re a fucking hipster piece of shit), I pull the phone out of my pocket…wait. What the fuck just happened? It hung up on that person? Ok, so I did a little change in the settings, not really any better. So I download a free app which works ok, I guess. The app now makes answering the phone way too fucking hard. Either it is so sensitive it answers/hangs up on them as I get it out of my pocket OR I set it to hold the button down for a second for it to respond which seems more like several seconds. And if I put someone on loudspeaker (for whatever reason), sometimes the screen turns off. Wait, really? So, I also have to make ANOTHER change to my settings so this stops. It makes sense to me that you would have a feature like this to preserve battery life which would be understandable…EXCEPT the battery life is shit to begin with. So you are only softening a blow which I took in the first place due to shitty hardware/battery. And people think this is ok? The key pad takes some getting used to since I have fat fingers and like most nerds, you’re either bone skinny or a fucking whale. And if you fall into the latter size, then this keyboard (even when you tilt it horizontally) is still a little small and sensitive.

I wish I could say the iPhone was any better but alas, it is a piece of crap. Again, you have to jailbreak your phone if you want to unlock some pretty standard functionality like custom ring tones. And then apple has the gusto to try and sue developers who provide jailbreaking apps to the general public? You gotta be shittin me. Hey Apple, HOW ABOUT YOU GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ARSEHOLES AND PROVIDE STANDARD FUNCTIONALITY WITH YOUR SHITTY DEVICES? It used to be Microsoft who were extremely tight about coding anything/everything they developed. But they have seen the Google way of open source and at least give the impression that they are loosening a little where apple is the new Microsoft. The iPhone has a shitty antenna that can’t be fixed without a case which they are shipping as standard. Battery life also sucks. It’s fine for the first couple of months but after a bit of wear it comes from 3 days of battery life to having to charge it every night. WHAT FUCKING GOOD IS THAT? I might as well own a HTC. Any app that isn’t a piece of shit has to be paid for through the app store unless you want lite versions (another way of saying shitty shareware). It’s supposed to be a smartphone but lacks any REAL functionality apart from adding and removing apps for the technologically-retarded. It drops calls constantly and the device lasts about 12 months. I dare say they are built to last 12 months and…however many days it takes for your communications company to deny you a warranty call. Some of them are good enough if it is a few days over, they will still look the other way and take it back for you. 4th generation and what do they have? A better screen with better res? Still a shitty camera? I don’t give a shit about your camera but at least have enough pride in your own devices that you would put competitive hardware in your phones instead of being the butt of any joke made by someone who knows anything about technology. If you drop the phone from any higher than 30CMs from the ground (unless it is concealed in several metres of bubble wrap) the screen shatters and you’re up for a couple hundred dollars to have it repaired. It does MMS. But so does every phone out there post 2001. Anything to do with data works. I didn’t say it worked well and if you’re on Vodaphone, you have a double wammy (that is the technical term) of shitty slow 3G network AND shitty slow phone to give you an incredibly frustrating experience. As long as you didn’t plan on using the phone for phone calls or downloading data, you’ll be sweet. Ultimately, what you have in your hands is a glorified iPod with pseudo phone functionality.

I owned a Blackberry Bold and man, when this came out…it was going to be GOD. The specs were going to be great and when I got my hands on one, I couldn’t see anything wrong. Battery life wasn’t too bad but I am surprised that this is even something I have to consider as I would have imagined battery life a non-issue. If they could get it right 12 years ago, why is it so fucking hard now? The camera was ok and predictive text was…functional. I mean, you don’t have clumsy users trying to bash away on a touchscreen where you’d hope predictive text was the best feature they had in the device but even that can get a little…erm…screwy. But the thing the Blackberry did (and HTC does as well regardless of the custom ROM I installed) was if I was driving, answered the phone like an arsehole and put them on speaker, it would cut out randomly. Sometimes I could have hour-long conversations and it would be no problem but then I could have 4 or 5 conversations, 2 minutes a piece and each one would drop out. I am not sure if this is the device or whether it has more to do with the shitty communications towers throughout Brisbane. The one thing Blackberry did better than any other device is email to the device via the BES (Blackberry Enterprise Server). I have the Google app through Android but still not convinced it is as good even if the formatting isn’t 100%. One thing they did fix in future revisions was the erradication of the trackball and they now use a sensor instead. What would happen is dirt got into the trackball and after 6 months use if they weren’t treated right (and most of them never were), they would get dirt and you couldn’t move around the screen. Adding and removing apps was shitty and limited. It did have Blackberry messenger which was awesome as it was free to use with anyone who had a blackberry. Turns out though that the Blackberry Messenger app is also coming to the iPhone and HTC. It had a QWERTY keyboard which had the tintiniest buttons and initially I didn’t like that but once I’ve had experience with touch screen, I fucking LOVE my QWERTY keyboard with tiny fucking buttons. Fuck touchscreen in the arsehole with your smudgy piece of shit screen I gotta clean everytime I have to use it.

We use Nokia’s on the project I work at and none of them are even close to my 3210 so I can’t even move to a simpler phone. They have no smartphone functionality (mostly; that is not emulated functionality) with basic capacity but even then they are so dodgy, I couldn’t even make a recommendation to anyone about their phones. Handsets where the speaker goes in them, mic dies after awhile or simply refused to turn on.

It is almost like every company regardless on how much money you sink into a phone, still has problems. And they provide you these shitty, defective products on purpose in hope that you will sink more money into the phone to get it to a stage we had working perfectly fine 12 years ago. I am not demanding to make a perfect phone where you get everything right. It would be nice but I wouldn’t have a leg to stand on here if that were the case. We are far from it. I just want a phone regardless on everything else the phone has to offer, simply has bare basics working as it should.
Leave comments of your experiences.