Sid Meier’s Pirates! 4_5stars.gif
Meth isn’t nearly as addictive as this game. I was thinking about taking today off work just so I could get in another 12 hours of this game. There is so much involved in this game that even after 10 or so hours of playing this game I am not sure I still understand the entire mechanics of the game so I will tell you what I know. You’re a deckhand who gets sick of some guys shit. You fuck him up, take all of his stuff and now you’re a captain and you lead off with a small team of pirates to conquer the sea and fuck any other sovereign nation that you’re not apart of. The English are the easiest to play as they have tonnes of wealthy ports that can do plenty of trading and keeping you alive. The greatest thing about this game is the freedom you have to roam around as you like on the condition that you have plenty of food and your pirates are kept happy. I only just figured out the best of doing this is to ensure you have plenty of not just food but a nice even amount of sugar, spice, riches, etc. You are also always in battle with one of four sovereign nation’s - England, Spain, France or the Netherlands so you have to monitor that quite often as your allies can soon turn into enemies. English are the easiest to use as they plenty of wealthy ports around the map, the French being the hardest. The game is made up of mini games but they flow so smoothly that you don’t even realise. When you come across other ships, you can either sink them with your cannons or swordfight for ownership. You will find that same of the games do become repetitive after awhile which is ok because you can give it a break and when you come back to it, you get right back into it. Or you could stick it out and go after different mini games. When you rock up to a port, you can upgrade/fix your ship, get food/spice/sugar, go to the bar to get more info and employ pirates. And if you meet the govenor and he introduces you to his daughter, you can go dancing and she tells you stuff which is pretty important. So there is plenty of enjoyment to be had. There is one or two small things that could be improved: cut scenes could have been a bit more varied, the swordfighting controls could be a bit more accurate and be able to lift the limitation of more than 5 ships in your fleet. I want to have more men, more loot, more food and go out of control. It just gets to a point where you are so good and you have so much food, that you men are happy and you can be out to sea for years without needing to restock for food and that is really as far as you can go. When you have 4 treasure galleon’s at max capacity and war galleon fully decked out, it’s a shame I can’t take over more ships. There is tonnes of achieveables which has to be the first game on Wii I have played to date that I ACTUALLY care about them. There is also a quest that the PC never had which gives it depth in an already busy game. The amount of fun is plentiful and with one or two changes, this could have been a perfect game.

Luxor 3 4_stars.gif
Puzzle game where balls go down a predetermined path and if they get to the end, you’re fucked. To get rid of them, line up a colour combo. Now that the formalities are out of the way, this is an awesome game. Visually it is impressive for a puzzle game. When you do a colour combo, it throws these power-ups which allows you to destroy these balls. There are achievements and unlockables (for those that actually give a shit about this sort of stuff) but the levels are in abundance with bonus levels to split up the monotony. You can use Free Play to revisit any level unlocked in Adventure. And coins (which rain down from colour combos) can be spent to upgrade your power-ups and purchase new cannons. Apart from that, there isn’t a lot extra to comment on except every now and again if you do not point the remote directly at the sensor bar, it veers off to the right hand side.

Emergency Mayhem 2_stars.gif
Imagine a second rate crazy taxi. Wait, no. Third rate. Erm, maybe not that good. More like fourth rate. I have played this game for an hour. I am not getting that hour back. FUCK YOU EMERGENCY MAYHEM. Everything is based on time and instead of picking people up, you do mini games. But these mini games are not the quality well-thought out mini games like you would expect from say, the Mario Party series. The very first mini game was cut the right wire (like a bomb from a TV series) and the wires are pretty obvious which one to cut. But you have three different types of mini game depending on what kind of car you have: an ambulance, a fire truck, and a police car. Police car and fire truck are both a whole pile of average. The ambulance games CAN SUCK SHIT OUT OF MY ARSEHOLE. That is how I feel about these fiddley fucking shitty mini games. There was this one game where someone gets something stuck in their body (a bullet? or a nail?) and you use a magnet to get it out. WHAT KIND OF FUCKING HEALTH SERVICE ARE YOU RUNNING?
“Welcome to dodgy Pete’s backyard surgeries. I got this magnet to get out that bullet in your body. Hope you don’t have any fillings in your teeth that are sitting loosely or else you could lose them, too. I double as a dentist when I am not using magnets to fix ailments.”
The one thing I noticed is that you can play 3 or 4 mini games and they are all a piece of piss. And then you get 2 REALLY HARD mini games. And then you get another 2 easy mini games. And then it gets out of control again. WHAT THE FUCK? If this was a game where you went around and actually drove dumb pedestrians (which you can for a brief period before you run out of time) for hours at a time, then you might start to add an extra star or two onto this score.
Oh, and multiplayer doesn’t add shit. It still sucks. It just means you’re dragging someone else through the same shit as you’re experiencing.