Batman: The Brave and the Bold 4_stars.gif
Everyone keeps saying this game is boring or monotonous. But I see it this way: it is a cartoon episode YOU CAN FUCKING PLAY. And that is pretty awesome. To begin with, you have a tutorial which good and you have a host of moves at your disposal. The tutorial shows you all the moves you need for combat which are mostly unneccessary. This is because you can ultimately run up to a bad guy, keep hitting A and he will eventually die. This is the biggest problem with the game and while that might seem to be enough for most people to go, “NEXT”, the game has a host of unlockables. Not to mention really great cut scenes. And just to break up the monotony every so often, we hear the banter between the two characters which are not cringe-worthy or annoying like most banter in games seems to be. The banter also gives you hope to continue with the game because the boss is just up ahead. HE SAID THAT AN HOUR AND A HALF AGO. Oh, and the duration of each level is not particularly long. You have 4 episodes to beat 4 or so different enemies (Cat Man, Gentleman Ghost, Astaroth, and Copperhead) with 4 different sidekicks (none which I have ever heard before apart from Robin): Blue Beatle, Hawkman, and Guy Gardner. In a sea of 3D platform games, this is a nice break. All they needed to do was to make the AI harder and give me more enemies. There were at best only 6 enemies on the screen and if there wasn’t, it certainly felt like it. And when you have a sidekick, that doesn’t leave many enemies to fight per area. Some parts of these levels were more aimed at how the fuck do we progress? And less about kicking arse which is another facet of the game to make it a little more interesting. Even if those parts weren’t terribly complicated.

Tournament of Legends 2_5stars.gif
I love one-on-one fighting games and I was under this false pretense that Sega made mostly good games. But this might start to become a thing of the past as I can not think of a single game for the Wii where I see Sega attached to it (except maybe 1 WiiWare game which I am not even sure really counts: Sonic the Hedgehog 4 Episode 1) that is anything more than mediocre. Oh sure, there are games but memorable? There aren’t many. I could just instantly dismiss arcade fighters for the Wii altogether as being shit but I have played my fill that demonstrate the Wii can play the arcade-style fighter as good as any other console if it is given the right treatment (Tatsunoko Vs Capcom). You select some generic characters that say some really awkward shit. If they were your friends, they wouldn’t be anymore. You would disown them for saying uncomfortable shit. The graphics at best are not even good enough to say, “That’s good graphics…for a Wii”. Moving around the ring is less strategy and quick movement as it is, GO FUCKING FASTER YOU PIECE OF SHIT. I limp around the stage like an old woman carrying a 30KG cock. I thought I just had a Juggernaught-kind-of character (even though he was only a medium build). But alas, even the quicker ones were still slow. It tries to be more strategic-based but doesn’t have that down pat enough to make it enjoyable. Oh, and you NEED to play with a classic controller. The wii remote and nunchuck are far too shit to control than a classic controller. Thank God there is an alternative with the classic controller otherwise most of these arcade-style fighters could have a lot to be desired. There is not a whole lot you can unlock, either. It’s not a bad game but far from being a good one. Average is the best this game could be described which is where it sits with 2.5 stars.

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This game is not terribly exciting. All you do is shoot targets. It wouldn’t be too bad if the actual game wasn’t buggy as fuck. Every couple of minutes a red cross would flair up on screen, freeze the game stopping me from shooting only for a second or two and when it comes good my cursor has moved to a different point on the screen. Frustrating when you are doing timed games where every second counts. The presentation of the game is average at best with menus only having the bare basics. I didn’t see any unlockables but for every level you can achieve iron through to bronze status depending on your score. I was able to get bronze (which you need to continue onto the next level) but the other medals seem impossible to obtain. The sound is some generic metal song in the background. At least this game is nice enough to give you tutorials of what you need to do each level. Even if it does repeat them when you repeat the stage (which is slightly annoying). Budget title? You bet your left nut it is. It even boarderlines on homebrew game.

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This game could have been better if it were on a different console, improved the graphics, improved the gameplay, improved the sound and it gave us more options. I guess what I am trying to say is it would be a better game if it were a completely different game. This game suffers from shitty controls like most titles do on the Wii. When you haven’t got the basics right, you know you’re in for a fun time onscreen. It is quite like Mechwarrior: you control a mech or robot (if you want to dumb it down) and there are different arenas. You get two robots to start with and then you have to unlock the other 6. Even in multiplayer, it was frustrating. We decided to do a co-op wondering how you could do that and they put the two of us into an arena with one other guy and the other guy kicked our arses for about 10 minutes before he was declared the winner. The AI was insanely hard, even on easy. The sound was instantly forgettable. The menus aren’t terrible but everything else about it is. The graphics themselves are laggy as fuck. It looked like we were seeing the game through 15 frames/sec instead of 25. Now I know the Wii doesn’t have a lot of processing power, but this is fucking riduclous. I have seen games with great graphics and presentation and they are not hindered by this problem.

Big Beach Sports 1_5stars.gif
We eventually gave up on this game as we had to hard reset the Wii twice when playing it within a short amount of time. The menus and sound were pretty weak with a lack of options. The gameplay wasn’t too bad with beach volleyball being the best game of choice. Don’t get too excited, it wasn’t a terribly high bar to be set. It was ok at best. I’d probably have more to write about with this game if it didn’t continually fuck up. It had the potential to get a better score but if it DID work, it wouldn’t have scored THAT much better - even with the limited amount of playing we could fit in.

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This game made me hate life. This game felt like an episode of the Beach Shack. Except worse. It had a budget title feel to it and the sound was repetitve and annoying. The controls weren’t very responsive on ANY of the games available to you except skiing which was about as much fun as watching my mustache go. GO MUSTACHE GO! We played mini golf which is not that much fun in real life. Then you take that game and no matter if you are backswinging or swinging forward, it registers both movements as a swing. So you can’t actually replicate a golf swing. And if you can’t get that right, you might as well stick with the flagship: Wii Sports. You get the choice of 4 generic, blonde-hair characters. If these people existed in real life, they would certainly be douchebags that you would hate with your every fibre of your being and have girlfriends far more attractive than you will ever get. The choice of games are at best dull. Beach Fun? Well, they got the beach part right.

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Average. In every possible way. The menus? The sound? The controls? They all perform their basic function and nothing more. The graphics seem really generic and it is easy to fall off a race course. Multiplayer doesn’t seem to spice anything about this game up in any way. You can’t take shortcuts on the course and it handles ok. Nothing great, nothing poor, just ok. Why would you bother with this game if you have other great racing titles like Mario Kart? You wouldn’t. Even if you had money to burn, I wouldn’t bother with this game as it adds nothing extra and it is not even that much fun. The courses have additional things like storm clouds and whrilwinds on the courses adds a little bit. The AI you race against is crazy NES hard, too. Which doesn’t help your frustrations. At least you don’t have to get upset learning the game like I have with so many other titles.

Chrysler Classic Racing 2_stars.gif
Technically this is a piss poor game. During the cut scenes at the start that poorly explain why we have a 12 year old nerd who is capable of buying a $3250 car and driving it contains no voices with the subtitles. Making this look totally terribly poverish. The graphics look fresh out of a game circa 1994 that I would have played on an old 486 and the sound sounds like it came from a game circa 1994 that I would have played on an old 486, too. The menu is totally shitty looking. Must have spent a whole 5 mins in MS Paint doing up the whole menu system. The AI is a piece of piss to beat. Also when you try and muscle other cars out of the road, regardless of what car you have, they always slow you down, drive you off the track or into a wall. And you can upgrade your car FAR too fast. I raced 3 times and came 3 twice and first one and was able to buy ALL upgrades to my car. I haven’t finished this game but give it a few more hours and I will. What makes me come back to this game is not the bad retro look. It is a tonne of fun and the controls aren’t shitty which is better than a lot of other games already. You can buy more new cars (when you unlock them) but ultimately the first car is just like all the other cars. Especially since you can beat the AI with it over and over. When you drive around the track, you collect power ups of some sort. I am not sure what all of them do or how to use them but it doesn’t take away from the game.

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The menu is fucking terrible. Before I have played a single game (of which there are 3), the menu makes it look like I am about to walk into a proverbial shit fight. But alas, I was pleasantly susprised. The three games you can play are Karous, Radio Allergy, and Chaos Field. All of which I have never heard before and while that ususally signals shitty games that never made it across the ocean, this doesn’t necessarily apply here. I have played far worse games than these three. Chaos Field is the most fun with tidy graphics and easy, intuitive controls. In fact, all three games feel more or less the same with some small variations. On Karous though, there is small intelligable font across the screen which gets annoying after each stage. All of them are pretty enjoyable and mindless shooters but they are no R-Type.

Gunblade NY & LA Machineguns Arcade Hits Pack 4_stars.gif
If you have played these at the arcade, you will be happy to know the port across was successful. For those who have no idea what these games are, they were two arcade-style shoot em ups in the vein of the Virtual Cop series. You can play multiplayer or solo where you ultimately hold down the fire button and just aim where it needs to go. It’s a lot more exciting and the graphics suit the console as they belong to circa 1999. The arcade game had two massive guns on a turret and you just aimed loosely at the screen. This time, the port over has accruate shooting which would change this from 4 starts to around the 2 stars (at best) as the whole pivitol focus is on the aim of your shot. You don’t need to be a Counterstrike or a COD: Black Ops enthusiast to enjoy this game. Hell, I hate those types of games and love this shit. However, what prevents games like this from getting a higher score is the fact that they were designed to eat up kids money. Just like Dogbert sucks money from people’s pockets as they go through the bug scat cleaner. Which means the games are short. Woefully short. Beamsy and I finished both games in an hour. Replayability? Depends on how often you want to take a trip down memory lane. Not often? Then I dare say you won’t find much to come back to. After the first game we unlocked rapid fire which was ironic in a sense as that was the first fucking weapon’s abilities. But, rapid fire was better than the first and you could activate it by using the D-Pad. But ultimately, it was still the same game. Regardless, this was still highly enjoyable during its brief run.