So I was viewing of Drunk.Sex.Orgy.All.Night.Love.Lounge.2008 last night and then came up with this idea of a romantic porn-comedy. We are introduced to a guy who makes this one rule: he never fucks on the first date and he is an uptight dude. Like our protagonist in 40 year old virgin. So he is not into chicks who fuck on first dates, either.
His friends sign up for an All Night Love Lounge. Comedy ensues.
He is surrounded by people fucking. And he couldn’t feel more out of place if he was a black man at a KKK meeting. He’s not a virgin but he is more uptight about sex than a room full of Christians.
He suddenly realises that looking at all these people fucking is making him hard. And he likes it.
He glances around the room and catches the eye of some bird who seems extremely wild but she is into him. Ya know, just for a quickie. Or is it? BLAMMO! We find them screwing each other so hard, his dick becomes a stub. They both felt something besides an orgasm but the dude is really adamant about his no interest in a chick who fucks on first dates. After they finish up, they go their separate ways. There is over-done cum shots in the background of guys blowing litres of women in the style of mentos in coke bottles.
His friends see him on a porno: Drunk.Sex.Orgy.All.Night.Love.Lounge.2008 and they are impressed. Then the movie turns into a guy who is trying to track down a chick he fucked at an organised orgy. There is a flash-forward dream sequence where he is toasting at his wedding and he says something like, “Most people say that relationships never work out if she fucks on the first date. I don’t know if you would consider the orgy I met my wife in a first date…”
He finds her eventually. They meet in a library and she jokes that she is a librarian. Then they have surprise buttsecks in the library toilet. Never at any point do we question if she is smart or not. I haven’t decided whether the joke would benefit from this crazy bitch to be smart or dumb as dogshit. I think the crazy would heavily outweigh any question into this.
They start going out. He finds out that not only she fucking out of control but also a complete nymph but we all saw that coming. I am not yet sure but she might have one of those rare conditions where she needs to be in a constant state of euphoria by sex or she dies.
They go out for awhile through a montage. I will have Stephen Lynch write a song in his usual fashion that comes across to begin with as sweet and innocent before belting out into something fucked up.
They get married. One day he comes home early. He finds in their bed with her Rick Moranis, Gilbert Gottfied or someone else who you would least suspect.
Yes, this guy:
Keep in mind while searching for this photo, I Googled unsexy men of all time and found in that list Justin Beiber. I am sure the millions of screaming girls who have emotional breakdowns the moment he walks in the room and would be more than happy to ride his cock (ya know, if he wasn’t gay) would tend to disagree with that list. And Tiger Woods is in that same list. The man who banged 17 women while he was married (probably came home to bang his wife too). I am sure the number would have been higher than that if he was given the chance.

So they break up. And there is your typical montage of him feeling depressed walking down streets with a song that starts out with an acoustic guitar and then descends into death metal playing over the top. Ya know, to really fit the mood.
And that is the end of the movie.
Because love is a tool. And break ups are apart of life. And I fucking hate RomCom’s that finish on a positive note.
But before we end the movie, two things happen. We find out the chick ends up with syphillus and dies. We meet the same friends we saw at the start of the film. And to cheer him up from the break up, they signed him up.
To an All Night Love Lounge.
Ya know, for a possible sequel.