Ha, just another way to say that I am not done with current news articles.

Deadshit Bitch does Something Stupid
You are not going believe this one. I didn’t have a high extpectation of the human race as it is. This is certainly not helping. I rubbed my eyes and did a double take on this one. She should have died from stupidity. When something like this happens I think, “Ya know, maybe Darwin had it right after all…”

Two Russian Directors Boil To Death
If you thought that woman who almost died from a snake was stupid, this is up there too.

“Hmm, you feel that?”
“Feel what?”
“It’s a tad bit hot in here.”
“Yeah sorry, I farted.”
“No man, I think it is a little too hot for us to be in here.”
“Don’t be stupid. This is a sauna, it’s SUPPOSED TO be hot. Just pour more water over those rocks and we will be cooler in here.”
“You sure about that?”
“FUCK you’re a dunce, OF COURSE I am sure. Just do it. What is the worst that could happen?”

FAIL.

Sex Addict Moves Town After Sleeping with Every Girl In It
Look, we have ALL gone through this problem. I don’t think it should really make news. Plus, I am sure I have seen this on both Sex and the City and Jerry Springer. Why couldn’t he just start again with the first woman he did? If you talked your way into her pants the first time, I am sure you can beg enough of them to give it another go only to break their heart a second time to feed your addiction. I also think going to Sex Addicts anonymous won’t help the problem if you get a group of men and women in a room and tell them not to have fuck anymore. I heard it is a great place to meet women.

Man Arrested Over Billboard Stunt
I thought this was just funny to point out. Plus, think of the repercussions - it could have led to even funnier stories: 12 men caught at the side of the road profusely masturbating. And then having one of the 12 men trying to explain himself: [Translated]

“I was driving down the highway and there was this spicey number up on a billboard. I couldn’t control myself and just started going for it. I thought I would pull over so I don’t hit another car with the driver doing the same. The police knocked on my window just as I was blowing everywhere. I didn’t have any tissues and it scared me so much, I think I have hurt myself.”

K-Rudd Says No to Bullies
You could have interpreted it two ways. Either our main man, the K-ster is enforcing a policy to reduce bullies OR Kevin Rudd is BEING bullied and he is telling the bad men to go away. Yeah, you tell em, Ruddy. But I think we NEED some bullies. It hardens you the fuck up. We’ve become a society of panzies and it is only gunna get worse. I want to read stories of American children who bullied the wrong kid then the kid brings to school a gun to get some revenge and everyone is surprised why it happened. Or the polar opposite of that is you have some person who has been forced to be nice but deep down inside he is ticking timebomb and then one day he fucking loses it and again, we’re all surprised why it happened. No one likes being bullied but let’s face it, it would be a fucked up surprise if we found someone who does. Then again, no one likes taking out the garbage. Yet, we all have to go through with it.

Tiger’s Wife Moves Back In
Tiger is getting one more chance. Over the 17 whores Tiger did, his wife is giving him one more chance. Good on her. If it were me, I would have taken a razor and cut his penis right off and then taken all of his money in the divorce leaving with him with literally a shell of a man. Whether she lives with Tiger or not is not really the point as she is still gunna be fucking rich as fuck.

The City of Google
Get this: there is a city in Kansas (US) who are temporarily renaming their city to Google. If it wasn’t bad enough that we have Google Chrome, google.com, the gPhone (see previous post), Google Docs and Public DNS (they should call it, gDNS to be funny) they now need to a town as their own. Now we only have to wait until gChina and gUSA are renamed and the rest will follow suit. It will be a totalitarian state controlled by Google and if anyone feels sad, they have a pill for that.

Australian Scientist Rachael Dunlop Wins Twitter Award
She won the award First Person to Say Something Interesting/Intelligent on Twitter. Ha, only kidding. No one on Twitter really has anything daring and new to write about.

Elton John Reckons Jesus Was Super Smart Gay
I am sure the Religious conservative types would have really appreciated this statement, Elton.

Couldn’t he have just been super smart without the need for being Gay? But maybe he is right though. Look at the sort of clothing Jesus wore - that looks to me like the clothing of a fashion-savvy man with a tendency for sodomy. Maybe that is why according to Christians and Catholics, Jesus hated gays is because Jesus hated who he was. This is all on the premise that God actually existed. If he really did exist, Elton would have on to make more albums like, “Tumbleweed Connection” and less shit.

Woman Sues After Getting Four Breasts
Being a man, I can speak for all men when I say: 4 breasts means twice the fun and this woman should not be suing. She should be thanking the surgeon who did the work. She went in to get them bigger and the surgeon had a stroke of genius. Then once he was done having a vinegar stroke, he made 2 more boobs. Sure she is a freak, but a sexy freak. “Loss of self-esteem…” Really? If anything, all the attention she would have received from bigger boobs would have exactly the same with 4 boobs. The only way this could have been even better is if this chick had surgery not only got 4 boobs but ALSO got them bigger. Now you need is a man who has 4 arms and it is twice the pleasure.