Will Smith [ref] is another actor who needs to be taken down a peg.
Overblown and over-hyped to say the least. Yes, good actor. Yes, he has also made his fair share of bad movie making choices.

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His latest I’m-so-important-wankfest, Seven Pounds was clearly a reference to the weight of shit this movie offers.
I haven’t seen but if both allmovie, imdb and rottentomatoes all agree that this movie is a dud then chances are, it is.

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As good as I Am Legend was, the premise of Will Smith being the only doctor alive with the antidote or some shit is more than laughable. I had to stretch my belief system before watching the film so I wouldn’t completely dismiss it when watching the film or else the rest of the film wouldn’t hold water. I think if anyone is gunna be the first to go, Will Smith you will be the first.

You see, I have this device I made myself. Moss made the stress tester, I made the wank detector. It goes off when ever there is a TV show or movie which the premise is so far stretched (quite like Scientology) that anyone could not possibly believe it. You see the British, Russian and American intelligence has created such a device in the wake of WWII (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_lie). So when Will Smith is a doctor or some shit who is the only person in the world the wank detector was going like the sound of 100 men circle jerking each other in an enclosed room.

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This is how this movie goes:
“OMG! You’re black and we won’t tolerate it.”
“I’m stickin around so you gotta.”
“Well, ok then. I guess we will.” THE FUCKIN END. 1.5 hours of fuckin nothin.

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Very promising premise with huge potential. I can not possibly find the moment where this movie goes wrong. No matter what method I use, whether it is frame-by-frame or Science (physics) to calculate the x and y coordinates to identify where this movie went wrong, I can not reason to why I stood up at the end of the movie and went, “The name of the film was the most intriguing aspect of this film”. I think perhaps the title is in reference to an Alan Parsons album. Call it an inkling, but I think the first place to look as to why this sucked would be Will Smith.

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My wank detector was going so fast, 5 guys sitting next to me let off a sexually satisfied groan before grappling for a moist towelette.

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Best and worst movie, ever.

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You see, I work in IT. The ending to this movie was so laughable, I still tell it to the guys at work every now and again as an in-joke which all of us appreciate. To the every man who is not IT-savvy, surely you would think the aliens would not be running Windows on their spacecraft.
“Hey, let’s upload a virus into the Alien’s computer and it will kill them all off.”
Great fuckin idea.
If their spacecraft DID run Windows, the thing would be off the ground for awhile before it would blue screen or give some kind of error and drop off the solar system into oblivion and they would certainly require a computer farm of millions of servers to produce that solid blue beam from the bottom of the alien aircraft. This however, would explain why the alien aircraft is so big to begin. The UFO really holds just two aliens but you need to carry so many damn computers to fuck the world up when running Windows, that it would justify the size.
They WOULD have swapped the 1,000,000 Windows machines for the 5 Linux boxes to give the same processing power but the aliens needed compatibility. Which unfortunately didn’t work for them.

Don’t get me wrong, he has been in great films. But who gives a shit about that? If someone wants to brown nose Will Smith, I am sure they will form their own forum and have Will Smith fans across the globe make his ego even bigger than it already is. Which is something the planet really doesn’t need right now.

I think the perfect premise for a film is mix Will Smith the now-current movie, Bolt. Except remove the animated dog with Will Smith who thinks he is the only person in the world who can save us. And then to add salt to this comedy’s wound, there is no evil person. Will Smith will have a friend (quite like Memento) who makes Will Smith go after a non-existent enemy. The movie ends with an official trou dacking made by the best friend. And if Will wants to go the extra step by shedding a tear of embarrassment, that would be the icing on said cake.

Just to take him down a peg.