While it could be the title of a new genre in porno called Santa porn, Christmas is a great time. I am not sure whether it was the crack pipe I smoked this morning but with this time of year, there is something different in air. Depending on where you are, everyone is either happier or more rushed and stressed. In the work place (excluding retail), every one is trying to do as little as possible because Christmas…well, it’s Christmas and who can really be arsed?

Shopping for Christmas is painful. If you ever have the displeasure of going to a shopping centre, watch the population turn into mindless lemmings bent on buying pointless and worthless shit. Some poor bastard is going to be on the receiving end of all this shit. “Oh gee…thanks. A calculator. Exactly what I wanted.” Carparking is a nightmare and then once you get in there are long lines. For anything. The only way you can avoid the lines is if you’re packing heat and letting off a couple of rounds into the ceiling which usually results in slightly less than favorable police-involved circumstances

But, not everything is great about Christmas. Of course you have toy companies and video game companies cashing on such an event. Additionally, you have bands who also try and capitalize on the whole holiday festive season. I have hand picked a couple of Christmas albums which are classics which should have been dismissed upon conception (this means well before production stage).

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William Hung’s album is quintessential for any Christmas album collection. This is not my opinion. This is a fact. Anything anyone else tells you are lies.
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NSync. Really? This is as “great” as William Hung’s efforts.
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Do I really need to say anything? Look at this clown. The name of the album should be called, “Giant Mullet For Christmas.” Or “Weird Al does Christmas.” This could be the best Christmas album in the world but I couldn’t stop laughing at the cover to really pay any attention to the actual content on the CD.
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Don’t let covers deceive you. He might look classy as fuck but Thomas Hampson’s Christmas album is seriously fuckin tragic. Ya know when you travel in an elevator and you hear muzak? This is far worse than that. I would prefer to hear that God-awful muzak over this album.
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Don McLean wrote the masterful, “American Pie” and, “Vincent”. The bastard won’t share with the world what, “American Pie” means exactly. His answer when he was asked that very question was, “What American Pie mean to me? Not having to work another day in my life.” Anyway, where I am going with this, is this wank put together a Christmas album. For the mellow musings of Don McLean, this would have been a sure thing. This album should have been a 5 star affair. Long story short, it wasn’t. He missed the spot. If this album was sex, he was screwing a hole in the bed mistaking it for a vagina. It’s not quite the same, Mr. McLean. Sweet Jesus H. Christ. Poor decision.
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The only reason this album makes it in the list is his last name contains the word, “Cock” in it. And for a juvenile like myself, that’s enough for me. Sadly, this is the best of all the Christmas albums I’ve mentioned here. Allmusic gave this 3 stars but I think even that score is a stretch.
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I have not yet heard this but my imagination can take me the rest of the distance.
All I can say is I hope this is even partially better than the Star Wars Christmas Holiday Movie Special.
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Any bi-product of the Brady family will always be at best half-arsed. This does not even clear that.
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The only comment that should have any relativity with Kenny G is that his music appeals to the masses but is ultimately shit. And this Christmas album is another contemporary Jazz pile of hot steamy goodness delivered to you in a brown paper bag in fire on your doorstep. Put it out with your foot. I dare you to.

Don’t me wrong. I love a good Christmas album. The only album which is really good (as far as Christmas albums are concerned) is by a St. Louis ska band called Mu330 called, “Winter Wonderland”.
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Once I find something better, I’ll let you know.