2 Inches Of Fury

I love this story so hard, I downloaded it from imgur in case it ever was removed and added it to my own site.

I like Mike Judge. Well, I don’t know that for a fact but I do love what he creates - Office Space, Beavis and Butthead, King of the Hill…that movie with that…that guy who is the brother of Owen Wilson. Uh…Luke Wilson? Yeah, the one without the fucked nose but no stage presence or memorable performances except maybe Old School? Wait. Was he in that? I think so. And that promising premise but ultimately abysmal failure My Super Ex-Girlfriend. He was in that too I think. Look at you Luke, you cocky prick. You’ve turned this homage to Mike Judge all about you now because your bland acting and unengaging EVERYTHING you do. I mean, Mike Judge has had a dud or two but a rare miss is far forgiveable than the mundane bullshit you throw at everyone like monkeys throw their poop.

Looking back on the last paragraph, I am still a little confused on how I went from amazing Mike Judge to poop. I’d bet my left nut it probably has something to do with that ever-dull Luke Wilson. It’s the only possibly proxy.

First sharktopus, then Dinoshark, then Sand Sharks now THIS?
I wonder when they’re going to stop making movies ironically.

Come on guys, at least I try with my youtube videos. Plus, it is only me working on them. I suspect there is only one guy working on this movie, too:
[unsupported video]
SyFy channel? Wow, maybe I should make up some third rate bullshit like this, pay some guy on fiverr.com to make it for me and just move it around the screen without any sort of fluid animation to get the best outcome and make a nice little profit.

They thought they were in paradise. “I sat in their nest. I think I am pregnant with their seed.” New series coming to Syfy channel! OCTORAT! It’s the top part of an octopus and the bottom half a rat. Uh…we’re not sure how it works, either but it will be FUCKING TERRIFYING! Oooooooooooooo!

COMING SOON!

This looks like an excellent concept if ever there was one. And a little bit racist, really.
I’d be keen to see this shit.

So, I have some really odd dreams.
BUT, at least I’ve never become infamous for doing weird shit in my dreams.

McGregor talked in his sleep. Not in quiet, barely comprehensible mumbles: while he slept, McGregor would essentially narrate his dreams at conversational volume. As a narrator of his (often terrifying) dreams…

…An LP of his dream diatribes – The Dream World Of Dion McGregor (He Talks In His Sleep) – was even released to minor acclaim by Decca Records in 1964. A book of the same name, containing the transcripts of a wider selection of McGregor’s dreams, and with illustrations by Edward Gorey, was also published in 1964.

You can even download this album from a quick Google Search.
There is also an additional track you can stream. It is weird.

But he’s not the only one who has done some weird shit sleeping. A guy called Ken Parks killed his mother in law in his sleep. Fucked up? Yes. And worst part of this story he is used Automatism as the excuse to get out of being sent to jail. And it worked. He got off scot free. Which raises some bigger questions. Who the fuck is this Scot Free character and why should we get his own saying? Turns out Scot was originally a local tax. And by something is scot free means it was exempt from that tax.

Oh, if you do a search for Ken Parks, turns out there is a movie by the same name which had some controversy tacked onto it.

The film depicts controversial topics such as sexuality, sexual experimentation, incest, teenage suicide and, to a lesser extent, murder.

Be aware there maybe spoilers.
There were parts that made me laugh. Like the pick up lines - “Are you from Ireland? Because when I see you, my penis is Dublin.”
But, this film filled me mostly with hatred. And it is not because for an almost 2 hour long film, it had 20 minutes of solid comedy. It’s because I painfully identify with male characters. Ok maybe, not to the extreme of getting busted by the cops after being caught wacking off in my car out the front of my house. But these guys were good, clean wholesome family men who dedicate themselves to their families. Ultimately, all they wanted is more sex from their wives. They wouldn’t be talking about it all the time if they just got a little more. They put in time around the house to help out with the women, so how hard is it to spread em while he goes to town? I am sure you could even bargain with him down to letting him but not pretending that you are really into it.
And what did the wives do? Fuck shit up. And not in a that’s-fucking-cool-Bruce-Willis-In-Any-Die-Hard-Film way. Their fear was after however many years, that the men would be thinking about other women when they’re having sex with them and this whole thing stems from that insecurity. Are you fucking mental? Ladies, unless you’re married to a model who continues to keep his appearance up, I bet you my left nut you will be thinking about another man when your husband gives it to you. That is assuming you can be arsed into having sex by lying there and just taking it.

I initially thought, you wouldn’t cheat if your wife was Christina Applegate or Jenna Wassisface from the Office. But let’s say that you are married to them and they don’t put out. Then you are in the same conundrum these guys are in. It doesn’t matter if she is as hot as the sun. If she doesn’t put out, then the point is moot.
The attitude of the women in this whole story is fucked. Give the man what he wants and this whole thing will just blow over. How do they not get that having a man pick up a woman is 10 times more difficult than a woman trying to pick up a man? They made a big deal about what the man was getting up to but the women were really more to blame in this story.
And then the men went about the whole process all wrong. Of course, going for comedic effect - I get it. And sometimes it was funny but not in such a way that would warrant a laugh out loud situation unless you’re an American that laughs at anything. Ya know, even if you didn’t get the reference like half the audience that watches the Big Bang Theory. The thing is, you could have progressed the story a little faster. The Golf trip OK, and Applebys was a funny starter but then dwindled on that joke for far too long. Once they finally found the right place, spent too long on trying to establish relationships or at least a foundation for a one night stand. It could be a generation gap talking here but who cares if the band the woman likes is shitty? You go, “Yeah, I fucking love this band…” bang the shit out of her and move on like Gene Simmons at a Kiss after party or Ron Jeremy in any porn that stars Ron Jeremy. And who cares if she is too young? She’s legal, right? If you don’t brag about it to your friends, then that could have been another potential root that could have happened instead of the men realising that they lacked the bollocks to go through with it before it degenerated into a safe chick flick. This could have been so much more than the disappointment this movie was. It starts off with a premise on potential here. I mean, if How I Met Your Mother can go 6 whole seasons based loosely on a set of theories based around picking up women, surely you could have taken the best hour and a half from that show and made a fucking great film out of it.
They took every situation and made it Disney-friendly.
The way I see it is these lazy sluts these men have as wives were simply transferring their responsibilities in the relationship to a random slut these guys could potentially be banging. If they got laid to begin with, we could have all moved on and saved me from sitting through mostly unfunny garbage.

Out of the 110 minutes you made me sit there patiently, there was 20 enjoyable minutes. So, out of 5 stars, you get 0.90 stars by comparative ratio.

Thanks to Holy Taco for these two pics:


The link talks about the guy who wanted to see Marley & Me. Out of all the movies you could possibly see that have been made since film began, he wanted to see that film. AND THEN got upset when someone spoilt the movie for him. The funny part is that he wanted see that he wanted to see a movie that bad. It would be like seeing, Deck the Halls with Danny DeVito or Surviving Christmas with James Gandolphini to get some Christmas cheer. The only thing those movies gave me was an aneurysm and high blood pressure.

So I was viewing of Drunk.Sex.Orgy.All.Night.Love.Lounge.2008 last night and then came up with this idea of a romantic porn-comedy. We are introduced to a guy who makes this one rule: he never fucks on the first date and he is an uptight dude. Like our protagonist in 40 year old virgin. So he is not into chicks who fuck on first dates, either.
His friends sign up for an All Night Love Lounge. Comedy ensues.
He is surrounded by people fucking. And he couldn’t feel more out of place if he was a black man at a KKK meeting. He’s not a virgin but he is more uptight about sex than a room full of Christians.
He suddenly realises that looking at all these people fucking is making him hard. And he likes it.
He glances around the room and catches the eye of some bird who seems extremely wild but she is into him. Ya know, just for a quickie. Or is it? BLAMMO! We find them screwing each other so hard, his dick becomes a stub. They both felt something besides an orgasm but the dude is really adamant about his no interest in a chick who fucks on first dates. After they finish up, they go their separate ways. There is over-done cum shots in the background of guys blowing litres of women in the style of mentos in coke bottles.
His friends see him on a porno: Drunk.Sex.Orgy.All.Night.Love.Lounge.2008 and they are impressed. Then the movie turns into a guy who is trying to track down a chick he fucked at an organised orgy. There is a flash-forward dream sequence where he is toasting at his wedding and he says something like, “Most people say that relationships never work out if she fucks on the first date. I don’t know if you would consider the orgy I met my wife in a first date…”
He finds her eventually. They meet in a library and she jokes that she is a librarian. Then they have surprise buttsecks in the library toilet. Never at any point do we question if she is smart or not. I haven’t decided whether the joke would benefit from this crazy bitch to be smart or dumb as dogshit. I think the crazy would heavily outweigh any question into this.
They start going out. He finds out that not only she fucking out of control but also a complete nymph but we all saw that coming. I am not yet sure but she might have one of those rare conditions where she needs to be in a constant state of euphoria by sex or she dies.
They go out for awhile through a montage. I will have Stephen Lynch write a song in his usual fashion that comes across to begin with as sweet and innocent before belting out into something fucked up.
They get married. One day he comes home early. He finds in their bed with her Rick Moranis, Gilbert Gottfied or someone else who you would least suspect.
Yes, this guy:

Keep in mind while searching for this photo, I Googled unsexy men of all time and found in that list Justin Beiber. I am sure the millions of screaming girls who have emotional breakdowns the moment he walks in the room and would be more than happy to ride his cock (ya know, if he wasn’t gay) would tend to disagree with that list. And Tiger Woods is in that same list. The man who banged 17 women while he was married (probably came home to bang his wife too). I am sure the number would have been higher than that if he was given the chance.

So they break up. And there is your typical montage of him feeling depressed walking down streets with a song that starts out with an acoustic guitar and then descends into death metal playing over the top. Ya know, to really fit the mood.
And that is the end of the movie.
Because love is a tool. And break ups are apart of life. And I fucking hate RomCom’s that finish on a positive note.
But before we end the movie, two things happen. We find out the chick ends up with syphillus and dies. We meet the same friends we saw at the start of the film. And to cheer him up from the break up, they signed him up.
To an All Night Love Lounge.
Ya know, for a possible sequel.